jayniemoon

2011-10-27T13:44:00.000-07:00

Since I Left out Details

His name is George Ames Baker Wells. George is Jed's paternal grandfather's name. He died before Jed's parents were married, so Jed never got to meet him. He was a good and hardworking man with a dairy farm and four great sons. He had dark, curly hair, and after baths, so does our Georgie. Ames comes from Jed and my favorite book Gilead, by Marilynne Robinson. Named for the good Rev. John Ames. Read the book if you haven't already--it will make you appreciate life more than you have before. Baker is my dear grandma's maiden name. After interviewing her to write a history of her, and loving her and her parents so much because of the experience, I wanted to use her name. (Besides it is a lovely name isn't it?) I am already named after her--her middle name is Jayne. It is fun to have a son share another of her names.

And now I will go into great and gory detail about the birth experience. Because that's what people do on blogs, right? And Jed is just doctoring all the birth photos and videos so you can feel like you were right there along with us! Oh just kidding.

He weighed 9 lb 8 ounces. That should be gory enough for you.

I love this boy.

2011-10-04T20:52:00.001-07:00

Georgie

Welcome beautiful son!

2011-09-30T08:32:00.000-07:00

Julian Prays (Still No Baby)

A couple of things to know is that we've done a lot of praying for people with their pregnancies over this past year. I've had a lot of family and friends who've been pregnant and or have wanted to be. Julian's prayers got whittled down to one phrase, "Please bless Chuck and Steph to have a baby." Chuck and Steph are my brother and his wife who struggled to get pregnant for awhile. Julian has a particular fondness for Chuck and Steph, so pretty soon, he cut everyone else out of his prayers. Steph is now pregnant with triplets. (Get on Julian's good side, or bad side depending on how you look at it, and he may pray you triplets too). So lately, since he's clearly helped Chuck and Steph out enough, we've been encouraging him to add a few more things to his prayers--heaven forbid a quad shows up in Steph.

"Jules, let's think about some other things you're grateful for too. What about preschool, and playing with Jones?"

First attempt: Still only Chuck and Steph.

"That was great Julian, now let's try again and see if you can add anything else you're grateful for."

Second attempt:

"Heavenly Father, please bless Chuck and Steph to have a baby, and please bless mommy's baby but I think it is a rock but it is actually a baby. Amen."

2011-09-20T08:03:00.000-07:00

I'm Posting and I Didn't Even Have a Baby

A few months ago I got something in the mail saying that if we'd join some travel club with American Express we could get $200 in restaurant gift certificates. I normally don't do those kinds of things, but we do like to eat, and $200 was tempting, so I signed up.

I filled out all kinds of silly forms and jumped through a number of even sillier hoops. A few weeks later, I got two $100 Dining Dough cards in the mail. They look like gift certificates but say, "Not redeemable at restaurant--see back side for online redemption instructions." Another hurdle in the gift card charade! But since I'd come so far, and figured I was most certainly almost done, I might as well finish the process.

The back of the card gave me a special code and instructions on selecting gift certificates from restaurants (Choose from over 16,000 Restaurants plus Premium Online Partners!). When I got to the site, it allowed me to put in my zip code, to narrow down the search (16,000 is certainly overwhelming!). But what came up seemed a little too narrowed. As I scrolled down the page, the only restaurant that appeared on the list was Rice King Inside of Smiths. It included "inside of Smiths" as part of the name. If you're not from around 84604, you might not know what Smith's is. Smith's is our Kroger grocery store, and we, as it happens, have a Rice King Chinese take-out kind of place inside it. I scrolled to the bottom of the page to adjust the number of restaurants that would appear per page, as I figured there were certainly more options. I was disappointed to find out I was wrong, and Rice King Inside of Smiths was my only option within 20 miles.

Now, I'm not sure about you, but spending $200 at a Chinese take out inside your local grocery store sounds somewhat impossible. Unless you're in charge of a work party or church function, there is only so much beef an broccoli one could feasibly consume. But that's not all. As I clicked to learn more, I found that the certificates were basically glorified "buy one get one" coupons. Which means, I'd actually have to spend $400 at Rice King Inside of Smiths to use my certificates. I'd spend $200 of my hard earned Jetblue dollars (more than a week's wages!) and this great Dining Dough company would pitch in the other $200. Leaving my family with more Sesame Chicken and Lo Mein than we could ever dream of. Except on weekends--when the certificates aren't valid.

So, if you have a hankering for mediocre Chinese food inside of Smiths you know where to turn. But don't even think of calling me on a Saturday.

2011-07-12T21:51:00.000-07:00

What's in a Name?

I get to say my name a lot more often now that I work for jetBlue. When you think about it, you don't really say your own name a lot. You write it, and hear it, but unless you're introducing yourself, there aren't a lot of reasons to say your name aloud. But I get to say my name all the time now: "Thank you for calling jetBlue, this is Jayne, how can I help you?" I'm kind of surprised how often people say it back to me or ask me to repeat it again. "Jayne?" or "What did you say your name was?". But I am also amazed at how many people hear me introduce myself and then call me Dana for the rest of the conversation.

"Oh hi Dana, I need to change my flight." "You've been a big help, Dana" "Where are you located Dana?"

I occasionally get Jamie, but more often than not, I'm Dana. And if I'm being honest, I'm not really liking it. Not that I have anything against any Danas or anything, I'm sure there are plenty of wonderful, cupcake baking, Danas in the world. But I don't feel like a Dana. And it feels really weird to be classed with all the Danas. I mean, what is life like for the Danas? What are the Danas' strong points and areas of weakness? I just don't know how to be a Dana!

Names have been on my mind anyway, with an upcoming son in my future. But this Dana thing really got me thinking. I started to wonder--would it be possible to choose friends by simply hearing the names of their children? Take for example, three different couples that you'd never met or seen before, standing behind three different doors. Someone would tell you the names of each couple's children. Could you pick the couple that you'd most get along with simply by hearing their children's names? I think maybe you could. And I'm ready to try it. Come on, give me some names. Do it.

That's not to say I like every one of my friends' kids names. And it certainly doesn't mean they all like mine (sorry Parley). But it seems like when I find a couple that we get along swimmingly with, I tend to like the names of their children. Or at least most of them. And I generally respect the reasons they chose the names. There are some people who are friends--but you wouldn't hang out with them if you had free time--kind of friends. You know the type. You get along well, but don't really hope to get dinner with them. My guess is that you don't like the names of their children as much as you like the hang out friends kids' names. Am I right?

This is putting a lot of pressure on me, see. I mean, my friendships may be riding on the name of my upcoming son! I mean, sure it will affect him, but, me! What about me?

Will we be great hang-out friends or just passing acquaintances? I guess only September will tell. (Unless you wrote me off with the naming of my other three.)

Signing off,

Dana

2011-06-30T13:59:00.000-07:00

Remember How I Used To Write on This Blog?

That was awesome. And sometimes I'd post pictures? And occasionally videos? Rad. And then remember how I got pregnant and got a job at jetBlue at the same time and my life turned a little hellish and I stopped doing anything fun ever--including writing on this blog? But how could you remember because I stopped writing to tell you.

I still work at jetBlue in the afternoons. It is a good job as far as jobs go--I take calls from Jed's downstairs office and change flights for people and answer questions about whether TSA allows tennis rackets as carry-on items (yes!). I make as much money as your 17 year old son at Wendy's, but it does help a bit with insurance, and if I can ever get work off, we can fly places.

I'm six months pregnant with another boy, which when Hazel found out, she sweetly said, "Maybe Katie (my ultrasound tech sister) didn't see it right...OR... it'll just be a bummer."

Likely just a bummer Haze. If there is anything I've learned in my years of growing up with Katie it is that she is always right.

I haven't followed blogs, and I've likely been a bad friend and missed your birthday. I need some recommendations for a new (and when I say new, I mean old, and on Netflix) TV series because I'm lagging behind there even more than usual. I am wearing hand-me-down maternity clothes (bring them on!) as most of mine were wintery for November Parley and January Julian and shopping has only been for groceries. Someone told me there's this place you can go to on the computer to buy things? Something like On-line? Still yet to check that out.

So, like my jayniemoon header, Valentine candies and books on the sidebar, I'm a little behind. (Did you know Jay Leno bumped Conan from the Tonight Show slot?!)

But I hope to catch up.

In the meantime, call 1-800-Jetblue after 4:30 pm MST and keep hanging up till you get me. Then we can really talk. And if you order a jetBlue American Express from me I get a $25 bonus! That's like working 3 whole hours! Sign up today!

I'll be back soon(er than I was last time).

2011-03-30T04:07:00.000-07:00

I Really Have Disappeared

When Jed and I were in high school, I'd join a club or class and feel pretty successful, until the next semester, when Jed would join the same club or class. He'd add the class, as if he thought he might as well give this new thing a try, then he'd out-perform me every time. I joined choir. Jed did too. Pretty soon he was the handsome tenor with the main parts in the musicals . I joined journalism. Then Jed became the funny writer that used vocabulary I didn't understand. I ran for Student body secretary. Then Jed ran for (and ended up claiming) the office just ahead of mine, Student body VP (although to be clear, he didn't do anything during the year--he just looked good as VP). He even used to call me when he didn't get his reading done for English, I'd summarize the chapter for him, and the next day he'd do better on the quiz than I would.

I started a new job. I will ultimately work from home, but have had 5 weeks (and one to go!) of brutal training in Salt Lake City. Jed has taken over the house and kids while I've been gone. I was nervous to leave him with so much responsibility along with his regular work. After all, it's hard work to be a mom and keep up the house at the same time! I shouldn't have been surprised, but I still can't really help it, but when I stumble home in the early light of the morning, the house is super tidy, the kids went to bed without a fuss and the laundry is folded. Don't misunderstand me, I am absolutely grateful--just a little baffled. He has even learned to fix Hazel's hair, and is considering writing a "how-to" manual for dads left alone to fix their daughters' hair. He has a system down for laundry and dishes, and will redo them if you do it in a different way. And today, I came home and he'd convinced Julian to wear undies.

I don't know, the man seems to be able to do some pretty awesome things. But I still totally rule at Super Mario Brothers for the first NES. There is pretty much no comparison there.

2011-03-16T21:00:00.000-07:00

PROVO MAN MISSING WIFE...

Left Wondering What He May Have Done Wrong, What The Job in SLC Has That He Doesn't Have, If There Is Justice In Love--Mercy In Separation, Hope In Loneliness, Light At The End of This Long, Long Tunnel.

2011-02-15T09:11:00.000-08:00

Help our boys, FICTIONIST

Jed met Stuart Maxfield while shooting The Lower Lights last Fall. Jed was taking portraits of the players and Stuart showed up with a fiddle. As Jed was arranging his subject, Stu said, I don't usually play the fiddle in my band. Oh, what do you do? Well, I sing and play guitar. Right, thought Jed. Who here doesn't sing and play the guitar? Get in line, kid.

Then Jed came home and looked up the kid's silly band, Fictionist, and repented. And they've found ways to work together since then on a variety of projects. Jed made a mini-doc of the making-of their most recent record, Lasting Echo, shot a few of their shows, was supposed to go on tour with them last winter, but I got lucky and he didn't have to go (sorry, Stu). Jed even dressed as Stuart at a recent costume party... wait a minute... should I be worried about this?

Last night on his talk show, Jimmy Fallon announced a big contest hosted by Rolling Stone (yes, that Rolling Stone) to find the next cover of the magazine among 16 unsigned bands from across the country. Fictionist is in the running. Do your part for these guys. Follow the links, vote for them, watch the awesome video Jed made for them (yes, that Jed). Take a listen on their profile page to the song, Before I'm Old, my personal fave. That'll be Jed's next project with them.

I like these boys. Sometimes Stu comes over and plinks at my piano and I'm always surprised at how good it sounds when he does. Help them out, won't you? I'd like it even more if someone really famous was plinking at my piano someday.

2011-02-09T20:07:00.000-08:00

Jed was a part of a group of high school friends who were all funny, talented and smart. When they'd collaborate, they'd come up with amazing ideas including some awesome comedy performances beyond their years. When Tony, one of the talented group, got Jed involved in making spots for BYU TV, they didn't need to look far for inspiration. They traveled to visit one of their other best friends, now a teacher, who is inspiring in a different way now.

If you can't see the whole player visit this link

By the way, this is the same Mikey that was crowned Mr. Provo High '97, when he blew us all away with his talent--diving into a glass of water.

2011-02-07T19:08:00.000-08:00

Hello? Is it Me You're Looking For?

When Parley left a neighbor girl, hoping to return some dishes, standing at the doorstep the other day, I knew it was time to revisit 'answering the door etiquette'. I say revisit, because we've practiced many times before. So tonight I tried again. I started with a review:

--If someone we know well comes to the door, we greet them and invite them in.

--If someone comes to the door that we don't know, greet them and tell them you'll get mom and dad.

--If grandparents come to the door, since grandparents are always excited to see their grandkids, it's important that we show them we're excited to see them too. Saying something like, "Hi Grandma and Grandpa! Come on in!" would be great.

Then it was practice time.

"Parley, let's pretend I'm your grandparents and I'm coming to the door."

Me: knock, knock

Parley: Hi.

Me: (waiting, gesturing, coaxing with my eyes--what next??)

Parley: Hi.

Me: Parley, you forgot to invite me in. And remember, since I'm your grandparents, you should be excited to see me. Hazel, let's have you try.

Me: knock, knock.

Hazel: Hi Grandma and Grandpa.

Me: (waiting, gesturing, coaxing with my eyes--what next?)

Hazel: oh...come in.

Me: Thanks Hazel, Parley did you notice she invited me in? Let's try again.

Me: knock, knock

Parley: Hi.

Me: (waiting...in disbelief...still waiting)

Parley: Hi.

The scenerio was repeated one more time with the same results. And then I remembered this clip from a classic Simpsons episode.

So if Parley leaves you stranded at the doorstep, even if you're his grandparent, aunt or next door neighbor, just know that he also left me, his own mother, hanging out three times tonight. I didn't, however, try stomping on his foot.

2011-01-26T20:07:00.000-08:00

Missing Mater

Jed took Hazey to watch Peter Pan on stage at BYU tonight, so the boys and I had some time together. After trying to teach the boys how to play Speed on our Little Tykes hoop, and resorting to PIG when it became clear it wasn't to be understood, we tried to come up with some other options. The board games weren't interesting tonight and the wii was off-limits, so Parley chose, "maybe cars or something."

Since Mario has taken over Parley's mind, Lightning and friends have taken a backseat. So at the mere mention of cars, I jumped at the chance to bring them back to life. Something about Toy Story and those poor neglected toys rings true to my heart. I grabbed Mater and brought out my totally awesome accent. Julian, playing a small Lightning, talked to Mater, but Pars drove his Lightning remote control car around the carpet and occasionally came back to see what we were doing.

I looked at that boy, all grown up, and busy with friends and preschool and realized that my cars days are over. I spent more hours than I know running away from tractors and ghostlights and racing in Piston cups. It was exhausting, and some days I'd try to convince him to do a puzzle instead. But I love those cars. I really, really love them. And even though I know new things will come along for me to enjoy with Parley, I don't think there'll ever be anything like Lightning and Mater--best friends forever.

2011-01-23T21:00:00.000-08:00

Happy Third (a day late) Julian!

(copyright uncle Scott )

We think you're the super-est of all the supers!

2011-01-20T18:42:00.000-08:00

Sleep Tight, Julian

Last night Julian fell asleep at 6 p.m. He's sort of phasing out naps, but when he falls asleep so early in the evening, I know we're in for big trouble. We put him in bed with crossed fingers that he'd last through the night (and not only through the middle). 9:00 rolled around, and just as the other kids were getting into bed, Julian was waking up, refreshed and renewed. As any parent knows, we were doomed to spending all night with him. We tried putting him back in bed with some milk, but that didn't work. His energetic conversation about monsters and pretending to shoot them kept Parley awake.

Choosing to abandon the problem, I went upstairs planning to get in bed with a book. Not five minutes later, Julian was up in my room.

"Mom!"

"I'm saying my prayer."

"Mom!"

"Just a minute Julian."

He climbs into my bed.

"Mom, do you want to watch 30 Rock?"

What can you say to that? Absolutely. Yes, let's watch 30 Rock. Pass the gummy worms, Julian.

2011-01-16T21:24:00.000-08:00

Empty or Full?

What would you say that running out of gas might say about a person? A procrastinator? Lazy? Poor? Forgetful or disorganized?

Not me, I can see that running out of gas might say that a person is too busy thinking about other peoples' needs to remember her/his own. She most likely gave their last pennies to the charities around the city, and while driving to donate to those charities got so lost in singing Janice Kapp Perry's Be That Friend that she didn't notice that orange light signaling "empty". She (or he, of course) most certainly was so busy studying foreign languages (to better reach the nations) to remember the E actually meant "Empty" and not some other foreign word that means "full" (that also starts with an E).

Not that it happened to me today. Or 9 other times since I got my license (well Jed was driving two of the times). I can just imagine that if you run out of gas a lot, you must be a really, totally awesome person.

2011-01-10T20:42:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year

We don't send typical Christmas cards. In fact, we usually don't send Christmas cards at all. If we finish one, it's is more of a New Years/Valentines Day card because neither Jed nor I can get anything done on time. But when we do send a holiday card, well, we hope it'll make an impression. We have found we have to be kind of particular about who we send them to--you know aunt so and so might get to wondering if Jed can't afford clothes or something (he can't) (send money). In fact, this year, Jed's mom turned the card right over. I guess you can't win them all!

Christmas 2009--No card. I told you we weren't consistent.

Christmas 2008--individual portraits of the family (displayed in the sidebar).

Christmas of 2007-- a month away from having Julian. This one came with an amazing letter written by Jed about how "green" our family had become--even recycling the family photo--"we had so many left over from thirty years ago, we din't see the logic in taking a new one." I've actually still got cards (and letters) left that were probably meant to go out a few years ago. Let me know if you didn't get yours.

We're not super reliable, and we might offend, but for crying out loud, Happy New Year. And we mean it.

2011-01-03T21:14:00.000-08:00

A Gentle Reminder

Julian has an amazing gag reflex. He can produce vomit, and frequently does, with a few coughs and the right amount of tears. Last night was one of those nights. He is {gasp} getting to that point that all mothers dread, the "if I nap, I won't go to bed until 12 a.m." point. But sometimes I need him to nap, and yesterday was one of those times. So, at 10 p.m. when other almost-three-year-olds have been in wonderland for a couple of hours, Julian was in bed crying and begging to get in my bed. I admit, I'm a big sucker for this boy, and I give into him more often than I should. He makes a scrunchie face and tells me he loves me and suddenly I'm giving him more candy. I swear, the kid knows my game.

But sleeping with Julian is not fun, so I told him to stay in his bed. Five minutes later I was regretting the decision, cleaning up vomit instead of watching TV. Julian calls vomit "choke" because we've told him if he puts too much in his mouth he'll choke, and while I went to cleaning the mess, he pointed out the stuff I was missing (Mom there's choke there. Mom wipe the choke off my bed! Get that choke!) In between policing my clean-up, he got busy looking under his crib for lost toys. Instead he found a picture of Jesus.

"Mom! Look, it's Jesus! A picture of Jesus!"

(wipe, wipe, nasty wipe....) "Yes honey, that's right. That is Jesus."

I moved to the carpet (it had to get on the carpet) and I moaned. Oh Julian! Come on buddy, the carpet?!

Then Julian, chipper as ever (and not the least bit tired) quipped, "Mom, remember Jesus died for us?"

So Julian sleept with us. I told you he knows my game.

2010-12-13T20:34:00.001-08:00

The Twelve Days of Christmas

I found a pair of jeans, folded nicely, in the back of my car yesterday. My sister hemmed a few pairs for my mom a few days before, and I was sure these were accidentally left behind. Turns out: no. So I sat around trying to come up with a reason, any reason there might be a pair of jeans in my car. They were not new jeans, but still nice, and in a size that was fine for me to wear. So, naturally, I put them on. I wore them two days in a row. (Don't tell me you don't do that). I'm going to be honest though, I'm still pretty baffled. It's not like you accidentally lose your jeans--like you might a glove or--I'll even give you--a shoe. Jeans don't just happen to slip off and fall under car seats or couches.

I got to thinking: Someone thinks I look bad in my jeans and they're anonymously donating a pair in hopes that I'll make a switch! Next thing you know I'll be on one ofTyra Banks' My Friend Needs a Makeover episodes!

My fears began to subside a little though, when this morning, before I got in the car to take Hazey to school, I saw a pair of little boys' shoes, just about Parley's size, resting on the side of the driveway (maybe my car was locked?).

Then it became clear. How could I have missed it before?

All signs point to the 12 days of used clothes Christmas! I cannot wait to see what Jed gets tomorrow (pant size 34 x 30) I'll make sure to leave the car open!

2010-12-08T21:54:00.000-08:00

Haircut: Check

I cut Hazel's hair tonight on a whim. I've never cut hair before. I mean, I've helped buzz my boys heads--but that can hardly count. My biggest "help" is actually holding them down so Jed can buzz.

Tonight after Hazel washed her hair (which she has decided she can't stand doing) I looked at her long wet hair, remembered how badly it has needed to be cut, realized how long I've known that, and decided I was going to try cutting it. It was already past 8 o'clock, and we still had 20 minute tidy-up the house time (my favorite new idea), reading Christmas books and a promised short Christmas movie, if the tidying went well. So cutting hair should not have been in the cards. But I swear the scissors (totally crappy by the way) just got themselves into my hands and started cutting before I had time to completely think it through.

I had a few moments of: what in the world did I get myself into (and I'm not even saying hell didn't make it into that mind sentence), but in the end I think it turned out okay. I'm sure it's not totally even, and Jed will absolutely notice (and probably fix it while I'm not looking--just like he does with all my home improvement projects), and it did put us behind for bedtime (which I can't stand), but it's done now, and I don't have to think about it anymore.

The thing is, I find I'm so busy trying to get the basic things done (like the giant pile of laundry upstairs that I should be folding right now) that I don't get to the extra things, so they stay undone, or in this case, shaggy, for too long. I just don't remember to set up haircut appointments, or take my things to the dry cleaners or tune my piano. In the next life I swear I'll have that kind of mind, but until then, we'll likely have choppy haircuts and spotted dry clean only jackets.

2010-12-06T22:19:00.000-08:00

Someone said to me today "I love your new banner... nothing funny happening to you these days?"

My initial reaction, the one that comes from my gut (hey, stop looking at it), is "Nope. Nothing at all. Funny-Free Zone over here."

I look at this blog periodically and I think, I should say something today. But I'm just blank.

Except that I love that first week after Thanksgiving, when you can almost hear the starter pistol blasting the Christmas Season onto the calendar. We got our tree (at Baums, thank you very much) and dressed it. It's a fight every day to keep it dressed, with so many little hands that can't leave shiny things alone! You'd think we erected a toy stand in the living room. It's FAO Schwartz in there and Jed and I are always barking at them to leave it all dangling in the air. Sheesh.

And I love dusting off the old Christmas mixes. Jed is something of a Christmas Nazi in that from Boxing Day to Black Friday our house is a No Christmas Zone. No movies, no music, no nativities (actually, it's pretty hard to take Kershisnik's Nativity down from above the mantle, and sometimes it stays until January something, something). He does this to keep the holiday special, and I guess it makes sense. But as much as he might seem like a Grinch in January and July, he has made 5 or more Christmas mix CD's. His music library is full of Bing Crosby and Burl Ives. Some of my favorites this year come from this album, produced by our friend, Scott Wiley. (This record is actually a few years old, but somehow escaped us until last week.)
Don't let the really bad cover art (sorry if you took this picture) dissuade you, it's a really beautiful record, featuring the vocal stylings of some of our friends, Paul Jacobsen, Ryan Tanner and Sarah Sample. Mindy Gledhill's In the Bleak Midwinter brings me to tears, and Debrah Fotheringham's With Wondering Awe is the best thing anyone's ever done with that song (you don't even know that one, do you?).

And I love that Julian is starting to pray out loud with the family. Actually, if he had his way, no one else in the house would get the chance. Mostly his prayers are a string of incoherent vowels and stops, followed by an airing of grievances. Tonight, he threw dad under the bus, something about how he said No to the Legos when it was prayer time.

He's listening, kid. Really, there's no better shoulder to cry on.

So, sorry, but nothing else is really going on.

2010-11-25T21:39:00.001-08:00

Heads up

Since it's black Friday and all, I thought I'd pass on a some great deals. Basa Body has free shipping today. So go buy some amazing lotion and help some Kenyan women. Tell 'em Jayniemoon sent you. Oh, they'll remember me.

Also, word has it that starting today the Lower Lights are giving a free download of the 12 min. video (made by my very own Jed) of the making of the record, with a purchase of the cd. Today is your day.

Hope you had a fantastic Thanksgiving. Isn't it a wonderful holiday?

2010-11-23T21:51:00.000-08:00

Dear Utah

We caught wind of a giant storm coming our way today. The storm was supposed to be SO big that it was rumored that BYU and UVU (our two universities in the valley) were closing their doors in the early afternoon. Jed went to get some groceries for us, it was time. He swore he'd never seen such a frantic group of people shopping--like it was the last night we'd ever spend on Earth. Later in the evening, when the whole city had their groceries tucked away behind boarded windows, and because my sister had my two oldest for a sleepover, we took Julian and went to Target. You would've thought we were in a zombie movie--and we were the only humans left. The music wasn't even on in the store. We kept a close watch on Julian in case someone lurched slowly toward him chanting, "brains!"

I ventured a question, "Is no one here because of the--"

"The storm" the checker interrupted.

Right. The storm. Jed and I walked back to our car (brains intact) drove through Wendy's (even got cold frosties) and back home to our cozy house. And here we are chuckling that the state that boasts, "The Greatest Snow on Earth" got scared enough to stay home on a cold night with a little bit of wind. What are we, California?

2010-11-16T21:58:00.000-08:00

The Parley Party

The kid loves Chuck E. Cheese, so we ended up there again this year, with his 4 "closest in age" cousins and Bo. Bo is Parley's best friend who lives down the street. Bo was born the day before Parley and they must have been buddies in the hospital nursery. Here are a few shots. I imagine, if you've ever been to Chuck E. Cheese, you can fill in the smells and sounds as you look through the pictures.

Driving, his dream come true. And he didn't even hit a tree this time. Oh, didn't I tell you that story?

Parley in that Merry-Go-Round thing. Remind me to tell you about the time I got stuck in one of those very things when I was 17 and at my little brother's birthday party. And how it would only carry me up half way because I was too heavy. And how my best friend kept putting in tokens just to make me mad. And how a Chuck E. Cheese employee told me I was too big and should get out (an obvious point by then). And how my Dad had to pull a miracle maneuver to get me out. Remind me to tell you...

Typical Parley

and in case you didn't get to see Jed's cake close enough:

Wow and wow. And speaking of Mario, (what?) Parley got the old school Mario Bros. game and I still totally rule at it. Extra guys on level 3!

Well, that about does it.

And now Parley is sick. Classic strep symptoms. I guess you can't have a birthday everyday!

2010-11-14T21:00:00.000-08:00

5 Years

When they handed me Parley in the hospital five years ago, I wasn't even totally ready. I had pushed for 15 minutes, as opposed to the 2 hours with Hazel, and I wasn't expecting to be holding a baby so soon. Five years later, I'm not sure I'm totally ready to have a five year old boy.

In some ways though, I am. Like yesterday, when he gave a talk in church, and insisted he do it on his own and that I "not whisper in his ear". He got up to the podium before I realized he was there, and over the microphone I heard, "Uh, I think I've got a little bit of a problem." to the laughter of all the kids--typical ham-it-up Parley. So I rushed up there and helped him remember what he'd written (which was lovely). I was proud of him there, and I really liked what that baby boy was turning into. So, while I'm not ready to give up that little boy--the one who writes me love notes and colors with me, I sure like getting to know this funny and charming little bigger boy.

2010-11-10T21:46:00.000-08:00

When Sanitary Supplies Become Play Things

Although you can't read it, it is labeled "gun or paintbrush"with a black marker. Has also been used as a rocket ship.

Buzz Lightyear with Maxi pad wings. Was seen earlier on Hazel's stuffed animals as a skirt or diaper.

I think I know what Santa's bringing for Christmas this year!

2010-11-09T21:10:00.000-08:00

Loving Julian

I was changing Julian into his pajamas a couple of nights ago and he was being particularly cute. I asked, "Who loves you Julian?"

"Jesus." he said, without a thought.

Then Jed chimed in. "Yes, and who else loves you Julian?"

Julian thought for a minute and then said, "Another Jesus?"

2010-11-08T20:32:00.001-08:00

To Everyone in the Creamery Tonight

(Not Julian, or my bum, but nevertheless clearly painful)

I didn't want to take the kids in the creamery with me, but I did anyway. It was crazy, just like it always is when I take all three of them anywhere, but we were just getting a treat for Family Home Evening, so I figured the madness wouldn't last forever. When we got up to the checkout line, sandwiched between groups of students, I asked my boys to please stand by me--and not climb on the bars separating the to lanes. I asked again. And again, but this time with my eyes. I can make some pretty amazing "I mean it" faces. They came to stand by me.

The not-super-chipper-checkout student told me my total and just as I handed her my card, Julian bit my bum.

I jumped and, I'm afraid, squealed a little bit. It hurt! What would you do if you were bit really hard on the bum?

I wheeled around and with my eyes and angry lips and pointed finger said, "NO". Julian then collapsed on the floor and wailed because he'd been so severely disciplined. I could feel the eyes of college students with their half gallons of ice cream and cougar t-shirts holding hands (0r hoping to) with the other cute college student. They undoubtedly looked at each other with eyes communicating, "And even on the night of Family Home Evening!"

I scooped Julian up with the hand not holding the groceries, and the other kids followed behind asking (loudly) "What did he do mom? Mom! What did Julian DO?"

And then I went back in the creamery and bit everyones' bums just to see how they liked it.

No I didn't. But I should've. Maybe I will tomorrow.

2010-11-08T06:58:00.000-08:00

What Jed & Brandon Create When They Get Together, Round 2

Remember this?

And now this:

Let's get the view counter moving so Jed and Brandon can make more.

2010-11-04T19:55:00.000-07:00

A Reminder That I Occasionally Do Something Right

Hmle Fothr (Heavenly Father--who Parley calls Hemenly Father)

by Parley, age 4 1/2

I really needed this today--especially after finding that I'd just smashed and broken Hazel's brand new glasses under my computer chair.

2010-11-01T20:36:00.000-07:00

Halloween Pictures and Quotes

Cheer up Hazel! Not everyone gives out raisins! Oh yeah, the rain.

My favorite Halloween Quotes from Julian:

1. I had a blue sports bra on before exercising and Julian gasped and said, "Mom! You have a blue Aladdin?"

2. After sharing a piece of his candy with me, Julian said, "Mom this will make you bigger and bigger and bigger."

We can't all look like Jasmine I guess. Even if we do own blue Aladdins.

2010-10-28T21:00:00.000-07:00

Hazey Showing her Smarts

A couple of weeks ago I got a notice from the school nurse saying that Hazel needed a further eye exam, as she was unable to see some of the lines she was expected to be able to see. So we went and had the exam. The eyedrops were traumatic, but surprisingly, the rest was a breeze, and even exciting for her. We went to pick out glasses and started with about 12 pairs to try on. She'd try a pair on and look at herself in the mirror, trying to surpress her smiles. She had a hard time narrowing them down, proclaiming, "I just look so cute in all of them!" I agreed whole-heartedly. Eventually we ended up with this pair. Isn't she a doll?

2010-10-27T19:50:00.000-07:00

A {Very} Persuasive Argument

When I taught 3rd grade, I taught the students how to write persuasive papers by using a method called "Four Square Writing". We would fold our papers into four squares and write an outline. The thesis is in the middle and the first three squares contain different statements to support the thesis, and the last square holds the conclusion.

Like this:

You can see how this would easily flesh out into a nice persuasive paper. I recently tried my hand at the 4 square writing process again, and I think it turned out pretty well:

I'm sure you'll agree that there aren't any holes in this argument, and so if you happen to find yourself in the "bad human being" category, the only way to redeem yourself is to buy the Lower Lights album here. And I'll never tell anyone about how much you used to smell. It'll be our special deal.

And if I haven't convinced you yet (unlikely), here is the latest video Jed made. It is almost as good as my 4 square.

The Lower Lights // Chapter II from The Lower Lights on Vimeo.

2010-10-20T20:32:00.000-07:00

Mindy Gledhill's Hourglass

(Remember to click twice if it cuts the screen in half)

Jed got to work with Mindy Gledhill again, this time behind the camera. I love this song. And Mindy has such a fantastic voice and she's too pretty for human kind.

It breaks my heart to think of my boys growing up. With Hazel it's different. I know we'll be best friends. We'll shop together and go to lunch and she'll bring her kids for me to play with. Boys grow up and fall in love with other girls and think they don't need their moms as much. My boys love me so much right now--they fight for me whenever Jed hugs me. Seriously. I ask them to promise me they'll always be my boys every day. I think the song captures this feeling I have perfectly.

2010-10-19T23:10:00.000-07:00

My October Movies

Garfield's Halloween

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow (cartoon)

The Skeleton Dance

That other Skeleton/Mickey one

Donald Duck's Trick or Treat

Charlie Brown's Halloween

That Donald Duck Gorilla one

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Psycho

Wait Until Dark

Vertigo

Charade

Rear Window

Dial M for Murder

The Others

What is on your list? Am I missing some important ones?

2010-10-17T22:25:00.000-07:00

Someone's Life is About to Change

(Reminder: if you're only seeing half the screen, double click)

Winners, send a shipping address to jayniewells@yahoo.com. Losers, keep those chins up. There's plenty of Sarah Sample music to be had and she won't mind at all if you buy it from her.

2010-10-13T22:31:00.000-07:00

Welcome Home Little Brother!

2010-10-11T21:10:00.001-07:00

Someday, Someday and a Giveaway, Giveaway

Jed does all my music research for me these days. I used to feel like I was really up to date in the music world and could feel all superior about that band that I loved that barely anyone knew. Motherhood has taken all that away from me (the time to research as well as all the CD players in the house, now all busted up with CDs smashed in them). But Jed knows me well enough, and so he hooks me up (you can count on me saying that in every post from now on).

So, while working on The Lower Lights project, Jed came home each night with more good things to say about Sarah Sample. "I know you'll love her music, it's just your style." He got me a disc, and the truth is, I do love her music. I do, I do. I loved it before her latest album, (neener-neener) but this latest, Someday, Someday, is pure pleasure. I listen and listen and listen.

And for heaven's sake, you should too. The album dropped Tuesday (that's the way cool people say 'it was released Tuesday').

Here's where you can get a free download of "Every Time I Go".

Here's where you can buy the whole thing (hurry up!)

Here's where you can watch Jed's teaser video (does that sound x-rated?).

And just because I'm doubting many people stuck with me and my silly blog through these last few post-less months, and I want to reward those who have (chances will be great!) I am going to GIVE a CD away! YEEEEEEEEEEEEHAWWWWWWW! Go ahead and leave me a comment (by Friday at 7 pm) and prepare to win!

But anyone who says "pick me, pick me!" as their comment automatically loses. I only get, like, 3 emails during the day and two are from US airways and Bank of America, so entertain me!

Go get your free download! Everyone's a winner!

2010-10-11T20:57:00.000-07:00

To All Nay-Sayers of Monday

"Monday is the first day of the week. It is a peacefull day, whare everything is quite. School starts erley on Monday. Then there is onley 4 days left of school at bedtime. And I am always sad when Monday gose past, but Tusday is anouther day, whare people get up erley, but not quite the same as good old Monday. I'll talk about Tusday later. Monday we have homework. Wich is not much fun, but, that's what Monday takes. Monday is a giving day, that always keeps it's promise. Just like when you lose a tooth or when you feel homesick, it's allways there for you. Today is Thursday and it is not as quiet as Monday, but fun. I am waiting for Monday as days go past, such as Thursday and it also is fun. We usuley mark off days on our calender. Tomorrow will be Friday. Yae! Last day of school! See you when the Monday sun comes up!" --Hazel

Really and truly. Didn't change a thing. Found it on the counter this morning.

2010-10-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

What Santa Sent in September

Remember these?

How could you forget? Well, they showed up at my house early last week and have been on my feet ever since. It has been a little uncomfortable to sleep with them on, but I know the season for sandles is coming to a close, so you do what you can. But I found out from this experience that Santa does not live at the North Pole, but somewhere in the Midwest and is, contrary to belief, a female. A kind, kind female.

I'll be wearing them tonight and you can touch them if you come to the Lower Lights Free Outdoor Concert in Provo. If you have size 7 feet you could try them on. Unless you've been wearing sneakers with no socks all day. Cause that'd be gross.

I've been carefully placing stickers for free downloadable songs on the cds to sell at the show. Don't let all that hard work be for naught.

See you there!

2010-09-26T21:11:00.000-07:00

A Good Day for a Good Man

Jed turned 32 on Friday, marking 17 of his birthdays that I've spent with him. One of his birthdays was spent at Sconecutter. You heard me right: Sconecutter. We were supposed to be at the symphony and some nice restaurant, but instead, I got the stomach flu, and the only thing that I thought I could eat was scones.

See, that's why I like Jed. He missed the symphony and went to Sconecutter with me on his birthday. And this year, we went to Wasatch's Fall Festival. And earlier in the day when we saw a unicyclist holding a bike lock, we both wondered about the necessity of the lock.

Over the summer I saw someone from junior high school days and when I looked to question Jed about whether it really was this person, he answered before I had a chance to ask. And tonight when our daughter was looking for a long lost art piece that was "one of her very very favorites" we both looked up at each other with the same wide, knowing eyes--both anticipating a very, very dramatic evening.

He thinks I'm funny and I think he's funny, so we laugh most of the time.

Neither of us can settle on a permanent place for flashlights or screwdrivers or hammers, so both of us check three different cupboards every time one of the items is needed.

He has a magic touch with Hazel whenever she has a melt-down. He has had much time to develop that talent because he's spent 10 years helping me.

Watching TV in bed or walking around Target isn't boring to him. In fact, he takes me to antique stores and enjoys being there.

And his cookies and dinners are better than mine.

And he has a cardboard deer head in his office.

Now you've fallen in love with him too, haven't you?

2010-09-22T20:50:00.001-07:00

Totally Awesome Things About Today

I saw a huge dog walking on a treadmill.

I cut into an apple and it had no seeds.

I heard NKOTB's (don't make me type it out!) Hangin' Tough on the radio.

Don't tell me you had a more totally awesome day.

2010-09-22T08:03:00.000-07:00

Dear Summer,

(If the video displays like it's cut in half, double click and it will take you to youtube where you can see the whole picture.)

2010-09-19T20:54:00.000-07:00

A Cousin Night Out

My dad has 7 siblings. From those 7 siblings came 41 cousins, most of them being raised in the same town (at least most of the time). I grew up across the street from one family, another of my uncles' kids lived up the street for awhile, and an aunt and her family in the circle across the street the other way. My grandma lived kitty-corner to my house, so all those that didn't live less than a mile away came to visit her (and therefore us) all the time. We were a happy group. Getting together for Thanksgiving was out of the question--there were way too many of us. But the 4th of July and Christmas Eve were Clark holidays. I looked forward to those gatherings as much as Christmas day itself.

We've all grown up now. Our youngest cousin is in college (as are the first two second cousins!). Our Christmas eve parties slowly died after each family got too big and started their own traditions. Part of our 4th of July celebration still exists, but with as many kids as there are running around, conversation between adults is slim and often interrupted.

So in an effort to get together like old days, my cousin Natalie put on a fantastic dinner, and we all sat around and laughed and ate well. We were reminded of the time Lisa said from the pulpit that she wouldn't do a "half-assed job" on her mission to Japan; the time Christopher wasn't there to play the piano for the Christmas Carols, leaving me to plunk it out for an impatient aunt Chriss who was leading the singing; or when Elvin the Elf brought Stephanie paper dolls for too many years in a row and left her crying.

We still were missing cousin representatives from 4 of 8 families, so we've still got more recruiting to do. But after a night like that, high in the mountains eating lasagna and raspberry-peach cobbler and laughing to tears, I'd swear heaven has a big Cousin Room filled with food that Natalie cooked and people that entertain you all the time. Because eternity would be really long without cousins.

2010-09-13T21:09:00.000-07:00

300th Post (be proud of me)

I heard Parley saying something which sounded like a swear word, so I questioned him about it.

"What did you say Parley?"

"Sit, sit, sit. They're saying sit."

"Oh." I said, relieved as I looked at the girls across the street with their dogs.

Then, as if reading my mind, he said,

"I didn't say damn-it."

2010-09-11T13:23:00.000-07:00

Work it Baby, Work it!

Since entering my thirties, I've really tried to be more conscious of my heath. It may have been those nasty people that talk about slowing metabolisms after your twenties that led me into that vein of thought. But as I've looked briefly over many popular diets, there's just not one I can feel totally comfortable sticking with. So, not to be dissuaded, I decided to create my own diet by picking and choosing some of the best parts of those other diets.

Take for instance the Atkins diet. That can come in handy when someone makes a big, meaty breakfast. I mean, I'm not a big meat eater, but sometimes a girl can really go for bacon wrapped sausages (did I say that outloud?). So I keep this diet around for my steak and pork days--they creep in there more often than you'd think! But, let's be honest, getting rid of carbs is lame! Who doesn't like a buttery roll or french toast (to compliment your bacon wrapped sausage!)?

Which brings me to the next portion of my diet, the low-fat diet. See a lot of carbs are low in fat, so this part of my diet allows me to eat all kinds of carbs, while still enjoying the benefits of the Atkins diet. Bagels, bread, rolls, crackers, are all allowed in this part of the diet. Just check the labels and make sure they're low-fat!

I get hungry often, so I found the Body for Life diet. In this diet you get to eat multiple meals throughout the day! It also mentions stuff about exercise, but I don't really like exercise, so I ripped those pages of the book out. I feel so much better knowing I can combine a carb and protein 5-7 times a day!

The one problem I was finding, was that none of the diets allowed for sugar. It turns out sugar is bad for you! But I had a friend who did Weight Watchers, where you assign points to food by how bad they are for you. Each day you get to eat a certain number of points. I don't really know how those points are calculated, so I just kind of wing that part. I remember her telling me that McDonald's ice cream cones were only, like, 3 points. Which indicates to me that ice cream is not bad for you at all. And ice cream has sugar in it, so probably most things with sugar in them aren't bad either. This portion of the diet really has given me freedom. So many sugary things I can choose from. Did you know Coke has sugar in it?

Things are going pretty well. It hasn't been hard at all to be consistent and strong, it's pretty much like I'm not dieting at all! I'm considering writing a book though, because that's kind of a popular thing to do when you create an awesome diet. However, that sounds kind of hard, and like it might make me exercise something, and my diet just doesn't allow for that kind of work-out.

2010-08-31T20:17:00.000-07:00

We Are Famous People

Jed has been involved in a project that brought many talented musicians together to create a hymns record. He even got to sing on a few of the hymns. As a result, we've been listening to some of these songs as well as other albums that these artists and their bands have made. So it happens quite often that Jed tells the kids, "These are Daddy's friends singing this song." And even occasionally, "I'm singing in this song."

Back in January or February, Jed shot a Neon Trees show and spent some time with the band on a couple occasions (Branden Campbell, the bassist, also played on the hymns record.) Some of you may know that the Neon Trees have become rather famous lately, playing the likes of Jimmy Kimmel Live and the Tonight Show. So when Parley and Julian took so heartily to Animal when they heard it on the radio, again, Jed told them that some of his friends made that song.

This afternoon Hazel had her friend over playing and listening to a the new mixed CD Jed made for the kids (to relieve our poor ears from constant Air Supply and Michael Jackson). The Neon Trees' Animal made the mix, and when it came on I heard Hazel telling her friend something, so I stopped in the other room and listened.

"This is my daddy's band. His friend is singing this part."

Then, the chorus came on and she continued, "My daddy is singing on that part."

And just like that, Jed became the fifth Neon Tree. Now we just sit back and wait for those royalty checks.

2010-08-29T22:21:00.000-07:00

What Happens When Dad Is Not Home

Jed made a rule, after so many dvds were ruined by little hands, that no child could put a dvd in the player without help from an adult. I understood this rule, realized its merit, but the lazy side of me wanted to stay upstairs instead of going down to put on the dvd all the time. So Jed militantly enforced the rule, while I sluggishly enforced it (from my perch upstairs).

Sure, I helped insert plenty of discs, but I may have looked the other way a few times too (may have).

Parley had a friend over and wanted to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with him. He loves the music in the beginning and runs around the room with the volume all the way up. I said he could watch it. He cheered, and then said:

P: "Wait, is Dad here?"

M: "No."

P: "Yes!'

M:"Why don't you want dad here?"

P: "Because then he won't see me put the dvd in by myself!"

That's right, he told me about the rule he planned to break--like it was he and I who had a deal going. So, now I'm off my perch, enforcing the dvd rule. What happened to good old non-scratchable VHS?

2010-08-24T20:39:00.000-07:00

Where Have all the Hazel Days Gone

It was the first day of school and we were late. How can you be late on the first day of school? Well we were. And those of you that know me probably aren't that surprised. But the truth is, I wasn't in a big hurry to get her there and give her up for six hours a day again. See, isn't she cute?

Not only cute, but she does totally awesome stuff like make a scientist's room in the laundry room and posts notes all over the door.

A few favorites close up:

You wouldn't want to give her up for 6 hours a day either would you?

2010-08-19T20:27:00.000-07:00

What Jed and Brandon Create When They Get Together

2010-08-18T21:57:00.000-07:00

Got to be Startin' Somethin'

I told Jed we needed to get Parley some tougher music before he invited any more friends over to dance in the basement to Even the Nights are Better. I guess when Jed put that song on his Thanksgiving mix (?!) he didn't anticipate such a hearty welcome--and ultimate obsession from Hazel and Parley. And it was kind of cute at first, when Hazel would make up dance programs for us to watch, or the boys would race around the basement while "even the days are brighter, with someone you love beside ya!" was blasting from the kids' ancient computer. But when friends and cousins came over and Parley would race to the computer to show them his awesome favorite song, I started to get concerned.

Jed and I both started mix cds for him, but never completed them, so Even the Nights continued. Finally, I'd had it--which meant Jed had had it 3 weeks before. So I put in Thriller.

"Listen to this. There are some awesome songs on this cd." I said, sliding it slowly (come on, work!) into the cd drive.

It didn't take him long to find Beat It. And today he did a "studio" or production of some sort to Beat It. He mostly threw two baseballs across the room until the song was over. And then he started it again. Jed and I looked at each other.

"Well, it is a little tougher than Even the Nights are Better... right?" I said.

He looked at me and said, "Tougher? Uh, sort of...but it is Michael Jackson."

I guess I'd better hide that Abba cd.

2010-08-15T22:06:00.000-07:00

Stay Summer, Stay!

Is anyone else feeling a desperate need to stop time before summer ends?

One more week--make it a good one!

2010-08-10T21:58:00.001-07:00

Parley Prays

...Please bless mom that she can get that tooth out of Hazel.

Please bless dad that he can teach sometimes. That {pause} he's going to be a teacher.

Please bless Julian that he can like popcorn.

Please bless Hazel that she can't get too bad at Mario Galaxy. And not cry.

2010-08-01T22:16:00.000-07:00

On Air Travel

Since I just traveled on an airplane I'm pretty much an expert on air travel. I made a few observations and I thought I'd share some suggestions with you in case you ever travel by airplane (popular way to go these days!).

Some tips for before you board the airplane:

1. You don't need to buy food before you board! Just relax and know that the generous airline sells cup-noodles for $5 while you fly! Sure, everyone is getting hamburgers and tacos before they board, but YOU, you are the one who everyone will envy when that stewardess hands you that Manchurian noodle cup. $5 of Y-U-M!

2. If you're tired, it's okay to lay across 4 chairs and sleep! Seriously, those people sitting on their suitcases don't mind! It's the middle of the day and you're tired. Take those 4 chairs--you're on standby!

3. If you have lots of make-up, wear it! Put on more make-up than you've ever worn! You never know who you'll meet on a plane--you for sure want to look your best.

4. Book a flight that lands at 5:30 a.m. (3:30 a.m. Utah time) so you have plenty of time to walk the streets (and parks and Dunkin' Donuts) before you check into your hotel. We've never done that, though, we've just heard it really rules and you're not tired at ALL.

Tips for after you've boarded:

1. Look at all the first class passengers in the eye. They love it! First classies love to have relationships with coachies and if you're feeling really friendly, strike up conversation about their work and how you could get a job there. If you throw out names like Brangelina, they may even let you take the extra seat next to them!

2. If you have to go to the bathroom while the stewardesses are serving drinks, just walk really close behind them. Even though you can't pass by them, YOU are going to be the very first in line when they get way back there to the back of the plane. Besides maybe they'll give you a few extra drinks while you wait for 40 minutes behind their cart!

3. The Sky Magazine is totally awesome. Don't think about bringing anything else to read.

4. But if you do bring something to read, make sure it is from the Twilight series. Then in super quiet moments, you can sigh and say, "Edward!". Then you can look around and see who is watching you. You'll lock eyes and start to make out. That would have worked out way better had Jed not been right next to me telling me to knock it off.

5. When you land the best thing to do is jump right out of your seat and grab your carry-on bag. Sure you'll stand in line forever waiting for the first-classies to put their pillows and foot massagers away, and stand in super close proximity to everyone still sitting down, but you deserve to be off that plane! Stand up and wait!

Like I said, and as I'm sure you can see, I'm pretty much an airline expert. And thanks to me, now you are too!

2010-07-28T21:35:00.000-07:00

To Whoever was up on the Stage at BYU

The other day my sister and I went to a tent sale at BYU, expecting it to be for their craft and floral shop. We took our kids with us, which we both vow we'll never do EVER again after every shopping trip we take them on. But there we were begging them not to touch things. It didn't take us long to realize the sale was mostly lame stuff like old Women's Conference T-shirts, ball point pens, and floppy discs (really!) so we took the kids to the candy counter for gummy treats. On our way back to the car, the kids found the big ballroom with a little stage. It was a kids' paradise, and it was pulling them in like magnets to a fridge. So, we camped out there for awhile. Apparently while the kids were on the stage, they saw a worker there and when I got home, I found this note:

It was sealed and it hung around the kitchen unopened for a week or so (having not been delivered to whoever it was) and eventually I opened it to see what it was. When Hazel found it opened, she was determined to get it back into an envelope to get it to the anonymous worker. I asked if I could scan it first (since Daddy didn't get a chance to read it yet!) and she agreed. I didn't want you to miss out on a gem like this!

2010-07-25T21:29:00.000-07:00

Back at 31

When you don't write for a long time it is hard to decide what to write about. That's why I'm not good at writing in journals. I could never write about the present because I'd always be filling in the stuff about the past.

Jed and I got home from Boston this week but I didn't tell you I was gone because I didn't want you to rob my house and steal my family. Well, isn't it sort of scary how people update where they are all the time, all the while they've left their valuables at home? My most valuables stayed here with the best of the best sitters, and we left. We love those little people--but my goodness, have you ever taken a trip without your kids? There was this amazing freedom when we realized we could actually go places whenever we wanted.

"We should see Inception sometime"

"Yeah, that sounds fun."

"Wait--we should see Inception! Tonight!"

And the movie was totally rad (it's okay--you can use that word too! It's cool again!). And I learned all of the history I couldn't remember from 5th grade and swam in Walden Pond--yeah--it's more like a small lake! I saw at least 57 different Dunkin Donuts shops, I shopped at the Brimfield antique show, went to a Red Sox game, and instead of eating PB &Js I ate giant sausages with peppers and onion (stop scrolling up to the picture to see the weight I put on). It's a pretty cool world out there in the East.

And I have some new thoughts about air travelers--but that deserves a blog of its own.

And if I have to update more of the past in this blog tonight, I'll never write again, just like my journals of yesteryear. Besides, it's my birthday (but you knew that!) and I'm going to have some Pepsi upstairs. C-U soon sweet doggies.

2010-07-13T21:51:00.000-07:00

The 4th of July

And just in case you missed the first one:

2010-07-11T20:41:00.000-07:00

Luxurious Blog Post

It's time that as a society we clarify the terms luxury and resort.

I didn't know it was a problem until a few years ago when we lived at the blue house. I did a lot of visiting as a part of my calling in my last ward and I got to be pretty familiar with a certain apartment complex across the way. The landlord was not known for taking good care of the tenants. For example one cold, November Sunday in Relief Society we had one such tenant raise her hand to share in our "good news minute" (which often included news of pregnancies, grandchildren, successful potty-training and graduations). "We finally got our heat turned on," she said, leaving me speechless at the podium and squelching any thoughts of sharing other, more typical good news.

After putting in new windows on the apartment the following spring, a new sign appeared outside the apartments: Monte Vista Luxury Apartments.

We were all left aghast at the sign. Did the new windows transform the stained carpet, the cockroach infestation or the furnace problems? Tenants told me that rent was raised, but that other than their new (and desperately needed) windows, nothing else had really changed.

Then, a few weeks ago, driving home from Yellowstone, we passed what looked like a run-down motel. A two-story place with about 20 rooms, the kind of motel you'd rather camp outside of than stay in. I glanced at the sign boasting, "Resort" and was again perplexed.

That's when I decided that somebody needs to be responsible for the usage of the words luxury and resort, because without any distinction we're left with lot of confused and/or disillusioned consumers. I propose we have a council who convenes to give a limited amount of licenses to people, allowing them to use the magic words in their marketing. And I think there should be criteria met that would act as proof of luxury.

Well, don't you?

Otherwise I'm going to start using them for everything. My luxurious couch bed. Luxury pink tile, my kids' lemonade resort. My garage/shed luxury resort, complete with extravagant antiquities, including two resplendent twin mattress.

Actually, scratch the license thing. I'm starting to feel totally awesome about the lavishness of all my lame stuff.

2010-07-07T19:40:00.000-07:00

Believe Me, I've Been Hating this Blog More Than You

Not only have I not posted, I still have blossoms on my banner and Cherry Coke on my sidebar. I've decided blogging and summer are not a good combination for me. But here I am anyway, as if you cared.

But let's cut to the chase, wasn't Toy Story 3 brilliant? I loved it so much it doesn't do it justice to write about it.

But let me back up. A few years ago, we went on a family vacation to California with my parents and siblings. The trip happened to be over June 20, Hazel's birthday. So we celebrated it in California. This year, as her birthday approached, she said she'd like to go on a trip for her birthday--"like when I was in California." Jed, the softy, tried to make that happen. When I realized it probably wasn't in the cards, I broke the bad news to her. She took it a lot better than I thought and said, "Well, if we can't be on a trip for my birthday, I want to go to Tucanos."

That's right, Tucanos, the Brazilian-style meat buffet (and, you know, pretty awesome salad bar).

So we celebrated Hazel's big day at Tucanos, then went to Toy Story 3. Love that Hazel. What a classy, meaty day! (side note, my sons refuse to eat meat except for Subway Ham. Subway ham folks.)

But speaking of Woody-- our dear Woody Cowboy Doll is Missing! Missing!! Did we leave him at your house?

The only thing I can think of is that he is at a Daycare center trying to rescue his friends from a nasty bear. I'm sure he'll be back soon. (By the way, did anyone else notice that in the movie Woody said he lived on ELM?)

So, I guess this blogging stuff wasn't too awful. I might even come back and tell you about the rodeo we took our kids to in Yellowstone where we may or may not have seen our own "real life Woody Cowboy" get trampled by a bull.

2010-06-17T13:52:00.000-07:00

WoodyBuzz

But none of them could ever love you the way I do. It's me and you, boy.

While we enthusiastically welcome your return, WoodyBuzz, it's as if you never left. See you at the theater!

2010-06-13T21:33:00.001-07:00

Superman on Saturday

Superman flew in on Saturday

when Batman was too tired to do his job well.

He collected snails and protected Hazel.

Thank you Superman!

2010-06-03T21:24:00.000-07:00

A Few Letters:

Dear Bloggers with music that automatically comes on,

Help me out! I've snuck out of my kids' room, hoping they didn't notice, to check a few blogs, when I come to your blog and a BLAST of music (that I may or may not like) comes on and alerts my kids that I am, indeed, not laying by them anymore. Will you please let me just push play if I want to hear your totally awesome music? Please? So I don't have to go back into my kids' room?

Love,

Jayniemoon

Dear Katie and Lance,

Since Jones pooped his pants twice today at my house, I'm now convincing Parley to come over to your house and do you the same favor. Have a great day!

Love,

Jayne

Dear Grumpy Mailman,

I've tried to be your friend by thanking you and being friendly, but you're still grumpy. So I joined Netflix.

Cheers,

Jayne

Dear Big O Tires,

Everybody hates buying tires.

--JW

Dear Dansko Sissy Sandal,

Why do you have to be so expensive?

Don't poor people deserve style and comfort too? You'd look so good with my white nylons! (kidding all ya'll)

Hopefully yours,

Jayne

2010-06-01T19:10:00.001-07:00

Happy Memorial Day Yesterday!

Hope you had a happy Memorial Day. We did. We shared it with many other happy people celebrating country, freedom, and family. We went to a park nearby, where people were commemorating the day with grilled meat, Subway sandwiches, frisbee, balloons, bouncy air jumping things and of course, metal detector wands. Because what better way is there to observe such an honorable holiday than to search for other people's lost valuables!

As I ate my Subway (do you still like me?) I kept one eye on my kids, and one on the metal detector man as he patiently swept his instrument over every inch of grass at the park. I couldn't help but wonder what he was hoping to find there on Memorial Day. I tried to imagine a conversation he'd have with his wife upon coming home with treasure:

Man: Honey, you'll never guess what I found at the park today!

Woman: Not another Susan B. Anthony coin!

Man: I wish! I found a new belt.

Woman: Oh, it's a great one honey!

Man: I also found you a pair of earrings. But I'm saving those for our anniversary!

Woman: Give me a hint--gold or silver?

Man: Oh you! Gold.

Woman: I did get kind of lonely eating my Subway sandwich alone today.

Man: Yeah, sorry about that. But someone's got to pay for that 5 dollar footlong!

Woman: True. I guess I should've expected this when you proposed with that ring you found at Yellowstone!

Man: Yeah, I almost lost my life putting the detector in the geiser, but look how it paid off!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A couple of my Memorial Treasures included Subway with my family (is someone giving me a free Subway yet?) teaching my kids (and a niece and nephews!) to ride a bike, dutch oven with family, the video tribute Jed orchestrated for Brigham Reneer, my Marine Brother-in-law and his wife reminding us of the blessing it is to live in this country, the reciting of the Gettysburg Address, Jed's homemade ice cream, and that gold pendant and $0.74 Jed found for me in the park.

2010-05-24T10:00:00.000-07:00

BOO

This is what my backyard looks like today: MAY 24.

It is so terrible and cold out there I had to pull out my white nylons!

But even though I'm super depressed and angry and wearing (apparently totally uncool) white nylons, I'm going to share a treat with you anyway. Hazel found my address labels and had a wonderful afternoon using them. She crossed off my name on each one and added her name along with something special about herself that coordinated with the picture on each label. You should click on the picture to see it larger.

But if you're too lazy, or can't read it anyway, I'll help you out.

Hazel Wells: American girl

Hazel Wells: very loveable

Hazel Wells: very opeadeant

Hazel Wells: takes good care of pets

Hazel Wells: a good student and sister

Hazel Wells: a star at making friends

Hazel Wells: good at making stamps and letters.

You're welcome for making your day brighter. Oh, and one more thing:

what could be uncool about these?

2010-05-20T21:07:00.000-07:00

Help A Girl Out! (and a few pointers from me too)

Help! I need some advice! Comment and help a girl out!

1. I need some good mascara! Not make-up counter good, I won't pay for that. But I pretty much got the cheapest kind--pink with a green lid--and it won't come off when I wash my face. See for yourself! It is not waterproof. I know one of you was going to leave me that comment. So, what do I buy?

2. What happened to white nylons? Are they totally out of style and I just missed that passing? What do you wear in the winter (or when you forget to shave your legs) when black or brown don't match well? I'm only thirty, so I refuse to wear those "leg colored" ones.

P.S. Tip #1 Do not type "white nylons" in a google search. You will find links to many x rated sites. Is that why white tights are so hard to find?

P.P.S in my searching for white nylon pictures (before I realized they'd show more than I wanted to see), someone actually wrote this question in Yahoo Answers:

How many pairs of pantyhose to cover hairy legs?
I am dressing up for Halloween and need to cover the dark hair on my legs. I shaved last year but that was annoying. How many pairs of, preferably a beige color, pantyhose will take to make the hair look non-existent?

It was annoying to shave Last YEAR? And I thought once a week was bad!

3. How can I get cheap airfare to Boston? Can someone remind Boston that it is not Europe?

4. Can someone suggest some good chapter books for Hazel? I'm a lover of children's books (ha ha I said lover) but this young chapter book thing is killing me. Is there something that can hold both of our attentions? No more Annie and Jack in the Magic Tree House with their incomplete sentences and repetitious garbage! No more dancing fairies and magic kittens! Can't someone write something parents want to read with their kids?

Tip #2: Pick yourself up some Charleston Chew Mini Bites from your local Dollar Store! They look totally gross, but they are a super surprise!

5. How come nobody told me Netflix totally ruled?

6. Is it okay to wear your Snuggie to the grocery store? Did I mention I have a Snuggie? I have two: red and blue. And after seeing someone (a young looking someone,) in their--get this--hospital gown tonight at the grocery store (that's right with part of it open like hospital gowns typically are) I think the world might be ready to welcome Snuggies too.

(Because sexy and Snuggie go hand in hand!)

Tip #3 If you haven't heard Air Supply in a really long time and you want them to be a part of your life again, put it on a mix for your 6 year old daughter. I've heard Even the Nights are Better more than I even did on Magic 107.5 when I was 6.

Help, I tell you!

2010-05-17T22:08:00.000-07:00

A Ten Year Birthday Celebration

Many Mays of Yesteryears

May 17, 2000

May 17, 2010

above photos by Julian and Parley--don't tell me we aren't getting better and better!

Ten years and three new handsome human beings!

Happy 10th Birthday Wells Family!

2010-05-11T20:02:00.000-07:00

Eating Lunch with First Graders

Around February, Hazel decided school was too long and didn't want to go. Every morning Jed and I would go through the same routine, and just as we were tip-toeing out the door, fingers crossed that all was well, Hazel would burst into tears about how looooooooooong school was and how, even though she liked school, it was just so looooooooong! We'd spend the next 30 minutes (sometimes outside her classroom door) trying to convince her to go. I made a deal with Hazel that I would meet her for lunch one day a week so she had something to look forward to. I've had a surprisingly fun time. Hazel hardly gives me the time of day. Okay, she does smile and she sometimes holds my hand. She just shows excitement a little differently than some of the other girls who jump on me and beg me to sit by them (I'm pretty much super popular).

In my time lunching, I've seen a lot of gross looking school lunch--which more than half of the kids get-- and watched a lot of food trades. One day, a trio of girls were raising their hands for all the things they liked (ice cream, pink, cats) and not raising their hands on things they didn't like. When the voting moved onto other girls in the class, I put a stop to the game (you're welcome).

I now know that Oliver is the Peanut Butter master, but he doesn't like it on a sandwich--just in a Tupperware to dip things in. Gavin's mom packs pepperoni for him since he won't eat any other protein, Bronx always has an enviable lunch, Margaret always wants to share treats, the trio tries to steal things from the boys' lunches and everyone is always begging Tai to trade with them. Oh, and if you forget a drink, you can raise your hand and Mrs. Pratt will get you a free milk.

Hazel and I sit quietly until I interrupt the silence and ask a few questions and tell her she looks pretty. She'll nod thanks, answer my questions and work on finishing most (but not all) of her lunch. She saves the rest for after school. I walk her to her class to grab her jacket and put her lunch box away and turn her back to her friends. And as grateful as I am for those friends, I think I'll always hate leaving her. As I watch her walk down the hall until I can't see her anymore, I agree wholeheartedly: school is way too long.

2010-05-06T21:01:00.000-07:00

Jed Reports: Hazel's Daddy Date

Hazel is nothing if not fair. She likes things to be neat, organized and fair. I think that’s why she’s so partial to routine; no surprises means no disparity. Consequently, when approaching her Daddy Date the day after Parley’s Date of the same variety, she was determined to maintain physical and emotional equity.

So we put dinner and a Slurpee on the schedule. And that’s where the similarities ended.

My daughter likes the outdoors. She’s always been happier playing by a river than in a Playland. We parked the car on the far side of Macey’s Grocery and walked along the Provo River, armed with a bag of old loaf heels in case we saw any ducks. We did, but they weren’t interested in the bread. Across the bank from her play we noticed the littered camp of a vagrant. She thought it looked like fun to camp by the river. When I explained that he probably lived there, I saw something flash in her eyes. The magic of the idea.

I pulled her away from her reverie before it could develop into anything dangerous and we crossed the black top to Sonic where she was excited to get a corndog and tots and eat them outside on their red tables. She announced over dinner that Sonic is probably her favorite “this kind” of restaurant. Hazel is always hesitant to proclaim favorites (back to the equity discussion). But she likes that at Sonic you can get corndogs and tater tots and eat them outside. And when a plush toy in the shape of a tot came with her kids meal, she almost couldn’t contain her partiality.

Hazel’s way of understanding of late is to break everything down; to trace every concept, every piece of every conversation back to its roots and see how it applies to her. You can almost see the graphs and maps appear over her head while she talks. Like the sentence diagrams your teacher wrote on the board in 4th grade, with their branches and tributaries that lead to heaven knows where. The thread of her thought is desperate to make connections, and you can watch the ease settle into her features as those connections are made.

On our walk to 7-11, I told her how me and Guido used to walk to get a Slurpee every day of the summer.

“Because you like Slurpees so much?”
“Yep.”
“And you still do?”
“Yeah.”
“And you like to get a Slurpee with me because they taste so good and you want me to like them too?”
“That’s right.”

She fixed her gaze on the Sev across the street. There was a new confidence in the way she set her shoulders. She flexed her grip on my hand and checked again to see if I was still wearing that pleased expression.

We walked back to the car along the river trail, her ruby red Slurpee a considerable distraction. She spotted a flat place along the bank where the tired sun was playing out its last colors in the shallows. She thought it looked really pretty. I told her it reminded me of Yellowstone.

“And you love Yellowstone so much.”
“You bet I do.”
“What does that mean?”
“It just means that I do.”
“And you love things that remind you of Yellowstone, like the river and Bongo?”
“That’s right, Bongo does remind me of Yellowstone. All the mountains and bears.”
“And you used to watch Bongo all the time when you were just really little.”
“Yeah, I still like to watch it, huh?”
“Yeah, you like to watch it with me. And it reminds you of when you were little?”
“That’s right, baby.”

She studied me to see that her assertions landed. When they did, she took my hand again and led me back to the path.

“And you still can’t believe I’m so big? ‘Cause I used to just be a baby?”
“Yeah, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that.”

2010-05-04T21:17:00.000-07:00

When I Lost My Cool Today

I yelled today at Hazel's soccer game. It was her last soccer game, and I yelled.

The game had been rescheduled twice, since Mother Nature can't make up her mind about letting winter go, so we were glad to finally put a cap on the spring soccer season.

We sat down to watch the game and were immediately made aware of that mother. You know that mother. She was yelling at all the girls on her daughter's team: Where should you be? You should be covering her! Number 8! Get down there! Do not let anything get past you--do you understand? That mother.

Hazel was put in as goalee for the first half. Jed and I enjoyed watching her play in the net, while whistling and digging her cleated feet in the grass. She'll run with the rest of the girls when she's a forward, but since she's not really competitive, she ends up just jogging along a few paces behind the others. So goalee has been a fun, new experience. My only care has been that she have a good, happy experience playing soccer, so when she tried to pick up the ball a few times as goalee, I was pleased.

The next half she was a defender. When the ball came her way, she picked it up--forgetting she wasn't the goalee. Again, Jed and I were just pleased that she made contact with the ball. As the coaches set up a penalty kick for the other team, a cute girl on Hazel's team said, "She can be goalee if that's what she wants to be!" To which Jed replied, "I love that little girl."

So, Hazel dropped back to goalee again. Soon after, she went to pick up a ball--but picked it up outside of the goal box. The coaches weren't concerned about it (remember that they are 6 and 7 years old) but that mother took matters into her own hands and set up a penalty kick--pointing out for all to note that Hazel was outside of the box. I started to feel mother-bearish, not wanting Hazel to feel embarrassed by her big mistake and I was ready for that mother to move it along.

And then, not 1 minute later, that mother's daughter tripped a little bit and grabbed the ball with her hands. That mother didn't care to call a penalty this time.

And now from Jed's point of view:

Yeah, this lady's antics had been noticed by the other parents on the line, and within earshot there were heard a few snorts of gentle derision: Hey, if I'd known we could step in there and ref, I'd have jumped in a few minutes ago. Chuckle, Chuckle.

But when the little darling grappled with the ball in her hands and her mother was suddenly buttoned up, the murmuring began in delicate ripples. The dads, a mom-- everyone wanted to know if someone was going to call that hand ball. But Jayne, Miss Friendly herself, boiled over. She went from zero to sixty in 2.5 seconds. What started as a giggly gafaw erupted into a bellowing "Aren't you going to call THAT hand ball?!"

It rang out over the field and bounced around the valley foothills.

Back to Jayne:

Yeah, I lost my cool at my six-year-old daughter's game.

I guess that makes me that mother.

P.S. From now on, we won't need to label whether it's Jed writing or me. You'll be able to tell it is Jed if phrases like, "few snorts of gentle derision" are present.

2010-05-03T07:00:00.000-07:00

Come Back Home Jed

I just put the kids to bed listening to Sweeny Todd. I still think it is funny to think about what they'll think when they find out that Sweeny Todd is the demon barber of Fleet Street who chops of his customers' heads.

Parley came in three times telling me he couldn't sleep, so I ultimately laid (lay--why can't they make the past tense of this word easy to remember?) down by him, and he promptly pulled up his shirt to have his back tickled. I gave in, and he was out soon. Hazel is laying on the ground here in the office next to me--not asleep at 10:07. We couldn't find Buzz with the wings (although we found three other Buzzes) so Jules was mad about going to sleep without him. Pretty routine night. Except I have a bowl of Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream to eat alone and now there's nothing to do.

When we got to church this morning (on time!) Julian said, "Andy, Buzz Lightyear, Woody," remembering the man who incorporated the characters into his talk last week. Maybe he does listen to some of what is said there! Grandma and I didn't know how to make paper airplanes out of the program very well, although she did her best and Julian made loud flying noises with them. After church I struggled to get them safely to the car while holding all my primary stuff and I thought about single parents and Corrie Tenboom in the concentration camp and remembered not to complain.

We ate a yummy dinner at your parents' house and I fought Parley to stay at the table the whole time. I'd turn my head and he'd be gone, checking out Archer, playing the piano, sneaking more watermelon or edamame. I was pretty tired. Corrie Tenboom. Not complaining.

Now we're home and you should be sharing this ice cream and coaxing this girl to sleep (10:29, still awake) so we could do something boring together. Tommorow, okay?

P.S. Since you took that precious camera I don't have any pictures to post.

P.P.S. 10:35--Johnny Cash put Hazel to sleep.

2010-04-28T21:15:00.000-07:00

Spring Soccer

Hazel and Parley played on their first soccer teams this spring season. My friend Lori tried to warn me, "Never sign up for spring soccer. It is miserable." I didn't listen. I now understand. The season ends tomorrow and of their eight games, two or three (maybe?) were pleasant weather.

But other than the wind chill, and wet grass, we had a great season. Both of them cared more about the treat at the end of the game than scoring goals, but they were at least happy to be there. Hazel was as timid on the field as she is in social situations, but even though she had no intentions of trying to get the ball away from anyone, she'd run along following it as we cheered from the sidelines, "Good running! Nice Try!"

Parley was not timid. Distracted? Absolutely. He'd run around pulling up his shorts around his underwear following the rest of the crowd, but with no idea where the ball was. "Watch the ball, Pars!" we'd yell, and he'd look all over (shorts still pulled up) and not see his teammate throwing the ball in. Once at kick-off of, Jed and I looked over just as Parley was shaking his hips around and around with his shorts hiked around his hugs. Apparently he was watching his shadow move.

When he did get close to the ball and the kids though, his aggression was key. At a time out, he came running off the field and said, "Mom, I tried to punch that guy because I thought he was a blue guy, but it was actually Atticus." I tried to explain that punching isn't apart of soccer, but since someone yanked his ear during the last game, he couldn't quite understand the difference.

All in all, we had a great season. We don't have our sights on the World Cup in the future, but Provo Parks and Recreation is second best.

2010-04-26T07:00:00.000-07:00

Jed Reports: Parley's Daddy Date

Parley got it in his head early in the day to hit the Playland at McDonald’s. I wasn’t exactly thrilled to spend my evening sitting at some grimy table watching my son mingle with all the germs of Provo on loosely padded toys. But despite my better efforts, there was no talking him out of it.

The Playland was what you’d expect. Crowded, noisy, kinda smelly. I’d say you have to hand it to McD’s for renovating the East Bay restaurant, but they did that last year and I used up all my spare words of admiration back then. Sorry if you weren’t around to hear it.

But Parley loves it in there and he had some plans: hit the piano slide, jump on the huge guitar, climb to the top of the seated Ron McDonald statue and regroup from there. But his statue climb attracted the attention of a ratty little dude who fancied himself the ruler of the roost. He barked at Parley to get down. My guess is his mother, who sat a few feet away, had made him come down from the statue before we arrived, and seeing Parley achieve his own thwarted ambition with impunity was just too much for his little person to take.

Parley just stared at the child below him, pacing angry circles, hollering insults and barbed threats. It didn’t help matters that the child looked, for all the world, like a monkey, and to see him beating his chest and pulling his hair out had to have been quite a sight from Parley’s perch. I had to glance at the boy’s mother, wondering if she might step in. Maybe ask him to stop threatening that really cute kid in the Red Sox cap, his eyes as big as walnuts and his nose saddled with cinnamon freckles.

Soon the monkey left and Parley slid off the clown’s shoulders and ran over to join the other kids on some filthy toy or another. But the monkey had his eye on my boy and he pushed his way through the bruised arms and legs and up into his face. He got right up in his grill, their noses touching. He said something I couldn’t hear over the din of delirious children and nonsensical Top 40 radio.

And then he reached up and knocked Parley’s beloved Red Sox cap off his head and onto the floor.

27 years ago, if Parley’s dad found himself in a Playland with a bully, he would have considered the trip a loss. He would have extracted himself and cowered at some table with his equally non-confrontational father. If the bully had knocked his hat on the floor he would have waited until the coast was clear before retrieving it—if he thought the bully wouldn’t mind.

Parley, so unlike his father, who had born the indignity of being hassled by a perfect stranger with quiet resolve, finally lost it when the kid knocked his hat off. Then his face turned the color of a ripe peach, and his command rang out over the heads of the children: Don’t EVER do that to me!

And he wound up and punched the kid in the head.

(He totally would have punched him in the head, but the monkey got lucky and ducked his fist. But Parley swung for his head. Just behind his ear.)

We talked over dinner about fighting. We ran down the list of things it was okay to fight for, people it was okay to defend: Hazel and Mom come first. I praised him again for his instinct that time he took on the nurse at the clinic when Hazel was getting her shots. He was ready to tear that place apart and some poor gal took it in the teeth while trying to restrain him. I tried to define, for the 70th time, the difference between a doctor and a bully, but I told him he was right to want to protect her. He seemed to get it.

He had ketchup smeared across his face from a few misguided fries. His freckles have been taking in the new sun and they were positively jumping off his cheeks. We ate terrible food and talked about fighting and Lightening McQueen and a dream he had that involved both. I kinda think he made up the dream while we were sitting there because it featured French fries in a prominent role.

And the whole time we were together that night, I never saw him eat a single boogie.

2010-04-22T22:16:00.000-07:00

BOOOring

I'm Jayne's husband and I'm tired of seeing Celine embracing O. So tired that I removed the image from last week's post.

You're welcome, Kim.

2010-04-15T21:47:00.000-07:00

You Were My Voice When I Couldn't Speak

I get to watch TV on the ceiling when I go to my dentist's office. I don't watch a lot of streaming TV these days, I mostly pick up my favorite shows on Hulu after my kids are asleep. So something about watching daytime TV (that wasn't PBS kids) is exciting. Sure I'll have someone drilling into the roots of my tooth, but I get a chance to watch TV alone!

When I got there, Ellen was finishing up (rats), and Oprah was beginning. She was talking with Celine Dion that day. The episode was interrupted with rrrrereeerererrrreeeererrrr sounds from a drill, but I got it. The syrupy sweet message carried itself into my wide open mouth and gave me another cavity. I swear. Puppies and babies and Michael Jackson tributes and-- wait for it-- surprising the Canadian Tenors! The only way it could've been sweeter is if Celine's son gave her a video tribute! Oh wait, that happened too!

I went back yesterday to have a cavity refilled. I watched Rachael Ray talk about clothes that make you look fat--like turtlenecks and corduroy pants. I own both of those. Sometimes I even wear them together.

As it turns out, watching TV at the dentist isn't totally awesome. Even if it is on the ceiling.

2010-04-10T10:00:00.000-07:00

I'm Serious, So I'm Writing on a Saturday

My wonderful grandparents gave Jed tickets to see Verdi's Requiem for his birthday last September. Last night was the night we got to use them. I am writing to tell you that if you are in Utah and are able to see this show, you should absolutely do it. It was more fantastic than I can adequately write. Spiritually powerful and magnificent. I about ran away with the soprano and mezzo soprano after the show. And I would've welcomed them as sister wives if I believed in polygamy. Go see it if you have a chance--it is only tonight!

2010-04-08T21:31:00.000-07:00

If Wishes Were ipads

Jed was reading about the new ipad in this month's issue of Newsweek.

Jayne: "I wish I was Steve Jobs."

Jed: "I wish you were Steve Jobs too."

2010-04-07T20:43:00.001-07:00

Classic, Still Classic

Today is a day to be marked--it was the kids' first trip to Classic Skating (oh, did the black party carpet give it away?). That's right, Classic Skating, a place every Utah child hopes to find themselves on a field trip, at a birthday party or if they have a totally awesome mom who looked on a website to find out what to do with her family (kidding).

I just wanted to report that Classic Skating is alive and well, complete with skating games such as Wipe-out, the Hokey-Pokey, Red Light Green Light, and classic (can't say it enough) tunes such as Macho-Macho Man, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, and Livin' On a Prayer (with a whole lot of Taylor Swift and Black Eyed Peas mixed in).

And I may have been one of only 5 adults on the rink--but I'm pretty sure I saw a few hot-shot eleven year olds fighting over who got to ask me to partner skate (don't tell me you wouldn't ask me!) Too bad I left before they got the chance.

Oh, and if you're totally awesome, come be my neighbor--please? Buy this house!!

2010-04-01T22:27:00.000-07:00

Unplug It!

In Hazel's backpack I got this flyer:

Now I'm in favor of having fun playing in the tree fort or making snow angels (in April!) as much as the next guy, but NO TV (or computer or whatever whatever whatever) for a week--and the week of spring break? This is a punishment for hard working mothers everywhere!

Some of my favorite parts are highlighted:

(for fun). Do Not--and I mean DO NOT do any of these things for fun. Two and a Half Men? Fine--everyone hates that show, it is NOT FUN. But Spongebob? Off-limits for sure.

Included websites: Perfect! Ever since my family started watching TV (for fun) we have forgotten what else to do together! Thank goodness for websites to remind us.

Special Recognition: What about special recognition for mothers?

I tried to hide the flyer before Hazel saw it--because I know the guilt is going to hit her hard when I turn on Toy Story on Monday.

2010-03-30T07:00:00.000-07:00

Not A Spring Chicken Anymore

Nothing makes me feel less young and hip than walking into an American Eagle store. Oh, except trying on their clothes in a couple of sizes larger than you thought you wore.

Or being told that you need a root canal.

Both scenarios happened to me this past week.

30 is starting to feel pretty 30-ish.

2010-03-24T07:00:00.000-07:00

What Doesn't Kill Us...

When I presented their charts, Hazel gasped upon reading ask someone to play at school--heaven forbid she voluntarily socialize!

Parley, hearing his chart read, quickly complained, "I can't stop picking my nose!"

Good challenges ahead. I'll keep you posted.

2010-03-22T07:00:00.000-07:00

One Man's Junk, Another First Grader's Treasure

First graders at Hazel's school get to have a store where they bring goods to sell and $.50 to spend at other first graders' desks. They have kept this tradition alive at least since I was in first grade. The day is magical. I still remember my store day. I remember rummaging around my house and coming up with ideas with my mom about what to sell. I'm sure I sold multiple items, but what I remember most clearly is selling those red and yellow wire caps that go over exposed electrical wire (I'm an electrician's daughter) as "rockets". I also sold coloring book pages that were torn out. I can't tell you they were big hits, but I certainly had the corner on the market. I can't remember what I bought, but I remember feeling so excited to be able to buy whatever I wanted. The world was mine!

Hazel's store day was Friday. When I dropped her off, the students were all sitting at their desks, arranged in a semi-circle to allow potential buyers plenty of space. I helped Hazel to her desk and we organized her goods: Valentine suckers, kazoos, chinese yo-yos, and jewels. My mom had donated the sparkly beads from a broken bracelet, and I took apart one of mine, and we collected a bunch of jewels. While I was there, I looked at the other kids' inventory--candy, shells, rocks, jewelry, random things from around the house (although I didn't see any electrical wire rockets!). I loved imagining each mom or dad coming up with something their child could sell.

When Hazel got home, I asked her about things went. She told me the pink sparkly jewels were most popular and then the kazoos. No one really gave a hang about the Valentine suckers (which I thought would go fast). She said she first charged $.05 for the kazoos, but then she couldn't fit any more money in her hand, so she changed it to $.01 (we're not real business types in this family).

Then she showed me her treasures: A pink and silver (funny looking) bracelet, a painted rock (mom we can use this for a spring decoration!) and some treats. She had plenty of money left over. She even bought an unwanted Laffy Taffy from some little girl because the girl really really wanted her to (my genes coming through again).

Jed put the painted rock next to my other spring decorations and Hazel was visibly pleased. As I watched her light up at the placing of her treasured object on display, I longed for those days again. I wished for the simplicity that allows little things to bring such excitement and joy. Those days slip by so fast, and soon we want much more and pay so much more for those wants. Don't you wish all you wanted was a few treats, a shell, a bracelet and a painted rock? And all you needed was $.50 to buy it?

Me too. So who's going to make my mortgage payment for me?

2010-03-17T07:00:00.000-07:00

Feel Bad For Me

I've been dying to take my kids to Disneyland. I think they're at ages where they'd enjoy it and I could enjoy spending time with Ali in California. So for weeks--months maybe--I've been checking out KSL (our Craig's list) for people wanting to split 6 day park hopper passes. I've been selling furniture in my shed and collecting money in a Disneyland fund. I want to go. I really, really want to go.

So, when I was driving the other day and the radio station I was listening to advertised that they were giving away Disneyland tickets every weekday in March (3 times a day!), I determined I was going to win. The very next day, I tuned in the the station at the right times ready with my phone (number on speed dial!) to call. The requirements to win are that you 1) identify the Disney character they play over the air 2) and be caller #20.

The first time I tried, I couldn't get in, and the character was Tigger. Who doesn't know Tigger? The second time I tried, the Disney character (a girl) said, "I just wish none of this would've ever happened!" Katie was over and neither of us knew the answer. We kept calling anyway. I got in as caller #4, hung up and tried again, all the while trying to think of every girl character in every Disney movie when the phone started to ring. I was panicking--racking my brain for any any clue when I heard..."You're caller 21! Caller 20 got the character wrong--you have a chance to win! Can you name the Disney character?"

And I couldn't.

That's right, I got in to the radio station. I actually got in twice and had a chance to win. I say had because I lost. I LOST. I could've won Disneyland tickets for my family for two days, but I lost.

So, do YOU know the character?

Pocahontas. Freaking Pocahontas. I have never seen it because that Colors of the Wind song made me think twice about it. Now I swear I'll never watch it as long as I live--that Pocahontas made me lose Disneyland.

Oh, and if that wasn't bad enough, guess who the next character was? Lightning McQueen.

2010-03-14T21:59:00.000-07:00

Whoever Came Up With Daylight Savings

hated mothers with young children.

In other news, my home is being featured on Bloom today! Check it out here!

2010-03-11T18:57:00.000-08:00

An Unsympathetic Mother (Dedicated to Jen)

Mornings are always hectic as none of us in this family are classifiably morning people. This morning was no different and I was rushing to get breakfast on the table and lunch in Hazel's backpack so as to get to school before the Star Spangled Banner stopped us in our tracks. In the middle of the rush Parley started to complain (he does this a lot, frequently to avoid eating).

Parley: Mom my arm hurts.

Me: I'm sorry to hear that. Hazel, keep eating!

Parley: Mom, my mouth hurts.

Me: I'm sorry, buddy. Hazel-- get your shoes on!

Parley: Mom, I'm cold.

Me: Sorry, Parley. Hazel-- brush your teeth!

And it was off to school. Then I bundled my boys and me up and we went out for our morning walk. Not too long into it, Parley started to complain again: Mom, I'm cold. I shed my coat and bundled him up tight and said, "You're okay buddy, we'll be home in a minute."

An hour after returning from our walk, Parley emerged from playing in the basement.

P: Mom, I'm still cold from our walk.

M: No, honey, it is just cold in the basement. Why don't you come up and have lunch before preschool.

I helped him upstairs, and noticed his little body was warm. When he got in better light I could see he was quite pale. I called to Jed to feel him (I always need a second witness on sickness).

Jed: Are you feeling yucky, pal?

P: When I swallow my mouth hurts.

At this point, my conversations with Parley throughout the day flashed through my mind.

"My mouth hurts." "I'm cold." "I'm really cold."

"Sorry." "Sorry, buddy." "Sorry." "You'll be fine, buddy."

Now I was feeling bad. Maybe he was actually sick--not just whining. I felt even worse when the doctor told us he had strep.

What, are you always really sympathetic when your child has strep?

2010-03-07T21:21:00.000-08:00

Married to an Old Man

Yesterday I was looking at my blog and a new picture had replaced my family under gave up my dreams of pop-stardom for... I knew I had seen this new picture before but could not remember where. I argued with Jed; swearing that he used it in a hearing center site he designed, and him swearing that he'd certainly remember it if he had. Then it came to me. I saw it on my friend Jason's Valentine post. I am still baffled as to how it got on my blog, and it only showed up on my browser--not Jed's (yeah, we have separate browsers, what's it to you?).

But the photo, an older man hugging a little boy, was ironic because it represented something I've been thinking a lot about lately. See, I'm a little concerned that Jed is an old man in a 31 year old body. I guess I should have seen it all along. When I met him in high school, he'd wear polyester pants (that are made to look like jeans) that he purchased at Savers (no doubt donated from the daughter of a deceased older man) and had poker nights with friends who also wore similar apparel. He knew all the words to the Music Man and could sing tunes from every other musical.

Somehow the old-manness of these behaviors were masked by his charm and good looks. But in recent trips to the grocery store, he has come home with staples including Pero and non-dairy hazelnut creamer. He has mastered the mixture--which sometimes includes sugar-free hot chocolate--and sips it as we watch Hulu together. It wasn't that weird that he told me after every cup, and there are a lot of them, how fantastic the mixture is, but when I found out he was tweeting about Pero, I started to get concerned.

And then I found Reisen in his desk drawer. You know, Reisen, those dark chocolate candies (that are actually kind of tasty) that only old men buy? Jed had them in his desk. And when I dug a little further, I found a Toffifay bar too. My cousin once bought a Toffifay candy bar in high school when we stopped off for treats. We've never let her live it down. Because Toffifay, like those Cherry cordial balls and Neccos are candies we all pass over and wonder who in their right mind buys them. Now we know: Jed.

You know I'm a candy connoisseur--there isn't much I don't like. But some candy is kind of a waste to eat. Why eat Neccos when you could eat Hot Tamales? If you're going to eat sugar (there's a rumor going around that it's not very good for you!), why not eat something awesome instead of mediocre? Yesterday Jed came home with those sugar coated jelly bunny things. The big chunky ones that are colorful--you know the ones. I call them "gross candies." Not that I won't eat them, they are, after all, candy. They're just grosser than other candies. I could totally picture them in little bowls on a grandparent's table next to the jelly beans and Werther's Original.

He has also been known to pick Dee's Restaurant (similar to Denny's) when given an option, checks out Opera CDs from the library, purchased a Neil Diamond CD and owns about 75 big fatty ties. The man is 31. What happens when a young man who is already old, really gets old? Should I be worried?

It's good we don't have a working TV, he just might discover MASH or Perry Mason.

2010-03-02T21:05:00.000-08:00

Pass the Candy Canes & Popcorn!

Every so often, when Parley comes home from preschool, he has a big blue bucket with him. He is always so excited as he walks up the stairs tripping over the thing, but I don't love the bucket. When Parley brings the bucket home, we are responsible for the snack next time. On the bucket hangs a tag with snack suggestions that read: cupcakes (messy, but YUM!), crackers, fruit, yogurt, popcorn (fun!), string cheese etc. Parley always wants to bring fruit snacks, which we have done. However, fruit snacks come in packs of 10, and there are 12 kids in Parley's class, so they seem a little impractical.

Parley brought the bucket home the day before the class Valentine's party. I knew they'd all be getting plenty of treats, so I sent apples and popcorn. When Parley got home, we ate Valentine treats and talked about his snack.

M: Did the kids like the popcorn?

P:We didn't eat popcorn.

M: Wait, what? Did you eat the apples?

P: Yes, we had apples and crackers.

M: You didn't have popcorn?

P: No, we just had apples and crackers.

But I sent two bags of popcorn, not crackers. So what happened to that popcorn? I had this vision of my son's two teachers getting together with friends for a movie party and eating all the popcorn that the kids brought in the big blue bucket. Pretty soon, I anticipated, 12 packs of Pepsi would appear on the suggested snack list. Then chocolate covered pretzels, Hot Tamales and Gummy Grapefruits (these are certainly everyones' favorite treats).

Today was a blue bucket day again and I didn't have time to head to the store. I looked through my cupboards and chose two packs of crackers (I learned my lesson last time) and then stumbled on a box of (12!) unopened rainbow candy canes from Christmas. I bought them for stockings, but was nervous they'd been seen beforehand, so I put them away and I had forgotten about them. I asked Parley if he'd like to share them with his class. He was thrilled. I was off the hook for fruit snacks and I could finally unload the candy canes--win, win!

When Parley came home he opened his backpack and handed me the box of candy canes.

P: My teacher said I had to give these back.

M: Wait, what?

(confused)

M: Did you eat them?

P: No.

M: Wait, what did you eat?

P: Crackers and a banana and apple juice.

I notice that 7 of the 12 candy canes still remained in the box.

I start to feel like Debra on Everybody Loves Raymond when she brings pretzels to her kids' soccer game and they are rejected by the coach because pretzels weren't on the approved snack list. Candy canes weren't suggested on the preschool snack list, but certainly cupcakes and candy canes fall in the same category! Like Debra I was ready to storm down there, demanding to know what was wrong with my snacks (you know me, I'm feisty like that!). Then it dawned on me--could his teacher have split the candy canes in half and given them to the children? I asked Parley once again at dinner time.

M: So Parley, did your teacher break a candy cane piece for you?

P: Yes.

M: So you did eat some candy cane.

P: Yes but I just couldn't have a whole one.

I only wish they would have kept the other six for their movie party. Candy canes and popcorn go super well together.

P.S. I think anyone who is a preschool teacher deserves to steal any and all snacks that kids bring to school. And I really like Parley's teachers. I'm going to start sending extra popcorn just for them. And maybe Pepsi. But probably just popcorn.

2010-02-28T20:45:00.000-08:00

The Songmaker Says It Ain't So Bad

I have made it a point to always put adult music (not adult music) in the car quite simply because I don't want to listen to kid music. And once the kids know that their music "works" in the car, there is no turning back.

I know this, because in an act of desperation, we gave in to 2o-month-old Hazel while driving the congested California highways. After a night of pacing the halls of our hotel with Hazel (who was terrified of the room) we stopped at Walmart and bought an Elmo DVD for her to watch the next time she woke at 4 a.m. Problem temporarily sovled.

But navigating Los Angeles in the car isn't easy and it sometimes took extra long to get places. And so, now Hazel wasn't happy in the hotel or the car. The Elmo DVD included a bonus CD with three tracks, including Elmo's Song and two other winners. And after trying every other option, including making up my own songs about kitties (still among my totally awesome repertoire of songs), we relented and put in the cursed Elmo CD. At that point, Jed and I lost. Because now, though Hazel wasn't screaming, we couldn't talk or think or sleep without Elmo and Big Bird badgering us about goldfish and crayons.

And although the CD was scratched and ruined a long while ago, it still lives in our memories. On and on, it lives.

Jed and I refuse to lose such a battle again, and no kid music is ever brought inside the car. So, now our kids listen to the music we listen to. No one even asks to bring music along--the thought hasn't really crossed their little minds. But it seems we've run into a problem. The kids are starting to choose favorites from our music and are insisting on listening to them over and over. Jed is not one to let repetition fade into the background, and these recurring playlists are of a mounting concern to him. Currently, the Killers' Spaceman, is requested by all three of our kids every time we get in the car. We can talk Hazel and Parley into other things, but Julian cries "Snowman! Snowman!" (we tell him it's actually Spaceman, but it seems that kid is a little slower) until we turn it on. I guess we're glad they seem to have good taste--it is a great song, but will it haunt us in years to come as do Snuffy, Elmo and Dave Matthews Band? (C'mon, didn't Busted Stuff haunt everyone?)

Spaceman does end with the twice-repeated phrase: it's all in my mind. I guess, depending on how you interpret it, that could be hopeful or despairing. But whatever it means, that phrase-- repeated endlessly-- could win in a punch-out with Elmo loves his goldfish, his crayons too.

2010-02-24T07:00:00.000-08:00

People Are Good

There isn't a quality I desire more than goodness. Really. I don't think there is a better compliment than being thought of as a good person.

You know good people--really, really good people. I do too. I have a deep love for them, even the ones I don't know personally. I have this real attraction to good people, because when you are around them, things seem happy and right. And the thing about them is that the more you're around them, the better you want to be.

Goodness is easy to spot. Usually there is a feeling that accompanies a person which gives away their goodness. Most of the really good people I know are quietly good--not showy in their giving or faith.

I've been thinking a lot lately about hard things people have to face. Everyone has trials at some point in their lives. Some people, it seems, deal with things too hard to imagine. Some with physical pain, others financial struggles, others emotional distress, heartache or loneliness--but everyone has something, sometime.

I have a friend, Callie, who has a little darling son who was born with a congenital heart defect last year, and he recently got RSV, so he had to be in the hospital to recover. I checked up on her via facebook or blog, and I was amazed at her attitude and faith. She seemed to express gratitude so often in such a difficult time. She wrote this passage that I love, about her experience passing other parents with sick children in the PICU:

we smile knowingly as we pass in the halls, silently communicating that we're sorry, we know what you're going through, hang in there...and nobody's sorrow is really deeper than anyone else's because it is theirs. it's all they know. and it's hard.

I think hard times come for us to remember how good people really are. And others' hard times give each of us opportunities to be good.

This weekend was a harder one for me, but I also knew overwhelming goodness from so many. I always feel undeserving of such goodness, but it has made me want to be better, as goodness always does. And since "thanks" seems to pale in comparison to my spilling heart, I suppose goodness to others ends up being the way to say it.

2010-02-17T07:00:00.000-08:00

A Conversation, Jed with Parley

P: I'm better than you!

J: Nope, I'm better than you.

P: But I got 22 food in my mouth!

J: 22 Food?

P: Yeah, that's how I'm bester than you.

J: That doesn't mean anything. I'm still better than you.

P: You're fired.

2010-02-10T16:47:00.000-08:00

The Winners Revealed

Hey Losers! Become a winner and buy yourself some totally awesome stuff! (Try the Raspberries and Cream Soap!)

Basabody.com

2010-02-08T19:17:00.000-08:00

A Happy Valentines Give Away!!

I don't usually have give aways, because I'm not reliable enough to get to the post office. Well, at least I'm honest. But remember how I wrote that post about Basa Body, and some of you decided to try it out? Well they were so grateful you all gave it a try (and liked it!) that they gave me some lotion and soaps to give away.

AND, they said they'd even ship it to the winners! So, it will actually make it to you! That's right, two lucky winners will receive a lotion and soap just in time for the V-day. So leave a comment by the end of the day Tuesday (the 9th!!) to enter.

Awesome lotion.

Awesome soap.

how'd this get in here?!

Good luck.

And for all you who never win, here's the link for awesome specials.

2010-02-08T07:00:00.000-08:00

Well Begun is Half Done

I found this in one of Hazel's many notebooks the other day. It is great for so many reasons. Firstly, I am wondering where this money is that we're getting. I feel like most of us are not pulling our weight in that department. But the funniest part about this short essay, is that she thinks we work hard together. We do NOT work hard together. In fact, this very weekend I swore that if Jed did not take over the supervision of children working I'd give up forever.

It actually started well. Usually their jobs consist of picking up toys and cleaning windows (which always turns into an awesome waste of Windex). I decided to switch the jobs up a little bit, because I couldn't fight my usual 45 minute fight with Parley on how putting cars into a box is actually not hard. So, like my mother in days gone by, I filled up a bowl with soapy water, and showed them the food stained wall and greasy finger-printed cupboards to wash off. The soapy water was intriguing, and Hazel actually declared, "Oh, Parley! I love this job! I did it at Grandma Clark's on the chairs!" Parley always claims the same attitude as Hazel, so things were off to a good start. I wish I would have started a timer, because it wasn't a full minute later that Hazel was crying about how hard her job was.

Me: "Hazel, you just told me you love this job."

Hazel: "I actually do love this job, but cupboards are just SO hard!"

Me: "Really? Is it that hard to wipe off that cupboard door?"

Hazel: crying, grunting, dramatically wiping.

Julian wandered around dunking the drying towels into the soapy water and dripping them across my newly-mopped floor. While Parley, clearly oblivious to Hazels dramatics (or he would have known it was time to change his tune) actually wiped the wall without complaint.

I eventually moved Hazel over to the wall with Parley and tackled those terribly hard cupboards alone. While she wiped the wall she continued to cry, "Mom! The cupboards are just SO hard!"

Let me assert once again: we do not work hard together.

Although they do a fine job, as she mentions, at getting food. And then wiping it on the walls and cupboards.

2010-02-04T20:52:00.000-08:00

10,000 Steps Behind

You never realize how filthy your house is until you have someone over. Then, as soon as they step in the door, those greasy fingerprints, burned-brown cook-top with crusty food, and yogurt covered windows pop-out like neon signs--though they've camouflaged themselves for a week (or more?). Suddenly, the good feeling you had about getting those breakfast dishes cleaned up turns into a horrible drowning feeling. You were just headed down to watch The Young and the Restless (you know you were) what, with those breakfast dishes done, but now, now that you're a failure, you can never justify tv again.

That happened to me this morning. And I thought I'd never recover. But then I thought of a would you rather (always a remedy!): would you rather have a cook or a maid? (vote to your left!)

And in my mind I chose maid, and imagined what I'd have her clean for me. Then I ate some gummy grapefruits (best candy ever) and got back to my show. Just kidding--remember the dtv switch? But I didn't clean that cooktop. I might wait till the next time a visitor shows up. That is hard crap to get off!

2010-02-01T07:00:00.000-08:00

Parley's First Lesson on Lung Cancer and the Word of Wisdom

We were sitting in the car waiting while Jed filled the car with gas, when Parley said,

"I wish I could do that. When I'm a big dad, I wish I could do that."

I wondered what it was Jed was doing that prompted such a wish.

"I wish I could make that smoke out of my mouth."

Oh. It wasn't Jed, it was another "big dad" or twenty-something guy, hanging out with his dog, girlfriend and cigarettes at the gas station.

"Well Parley..."

Lesson taught.

Maybe I'll have to hit chastity earlier than I thought.

2010-01-29T09:23:00.000-08:00

Hazel, the Poet

"Look, Mom. I wrote a poem!" she says, and hands me this piece of scratch paper.

Not sure what it means or who the boy is. But there's something really cute buried in the dark syntax. Or at least that's what Jed said.

Not sure what syntax is? I wasn't either, but Jed told me it was a real word.

2010-01-28T07:00:00.000-08:00

Hazel's Family Favorites: Colors & Animals

What can I say? The girl knows how much her mom loves loins.

2010-01-27T06:00:00.001-08:00

More from Hazel

It's true, she mostly nfer (never) gets in time-out.

2010-01-25T07:00:00.000-08:00

Blue Monday

You know how I feel about January. So, if you're feeling down in the dumps, you're not the only one. In fact, as it turns out, today, January 25, is Blue Monday, or the most depressing day of the year. True fact. Ask your local psychologist.

That's right, you've already failed on the brand new resolutions you've made for yourself (loser), you're overweight from those last three eating holidays (tubby), you're bills are due and you're starting to wish you would've opted for the lame razr instead of the shiny iphone (pretentious). It is dark and cold and spring is still months (that's right, with an s) away. So be depressed. I mean, is there really another option, given our circumstance? Fuel for the fire:

2010-01-22T09:02:00.000-08:00

Happy 2nd Little Man

stay two forever okay?

2010-01-20T21:24:00.000-08:00

Why I Married Jed:

Oh, you thought I meant for the kids. No, I meant for the skill.

I once tried to woo a guy at Kiddie Kandids--but that didn't work out.

So when I saw Jed's work, I really put on the charm.

Turns out he's got a few other admirable qualities as well. And some awesome tee shirts.

2010-01-13T01:07:00.000-08:00

Toy Story 3