Friday, June 24, 2005

Families are funny. Have you ever stopped and thought about how funny families are? Think about your family right now. I told you so. You probably have at least one especially opinionated person in your family, a super sensitive soul (or two), a put your foot in your mouth and offend member, a forgot to take his zoloft dad (did I say dad?), and there we are stuck together in one big group.

Then, you get married. You are in one crazy family and you go and join yourself to another loony bunch. You thought you had life figured out (when mom put the bananas on the fridge--they belonged there of course, dad brought them back to their real home--next to the toaster, naturally) but now you're messed up again. Try to put those two families together and it could be lethal. I know you're thinking about it! What about grandma so and so and so and so's husband! They could never be together!

Never talk about politics with all of these kooks. Put your two most opinionated and offensive people together along with the super sensitive one married to the put your foot in your mouth clown, and you've really got a circus. The opinionated ones love it. They battle and fight--and of course no one wins--and the sensitive one is crying because foot in mouth just offended mom again. What kind of smoothing over will this take now?

As if this wasn't bad enough, crazy and loony have a baby. This baby is connected by blood to both the crazys and the loonys. How have we all surrvived? Clarks watch TV on Sunday, Brimleys drink excessive amounts of Pepsi--I've seen them play face cards too!!, Wells don't. The Wells attend cousin's children's baptism's and the Clarks don't always make it to a neices wedding reception. (It's okay, I'm over it now...) The Brimleys are very protective--Clarks and Wells, not so much. Crazy mom throws away left over food (or wedding cake...sniff, sniff) if it has been left in the fridge more than 24 hours, while Loony mom will keep it much longer than you hoped it to stay (it's okay, Jed will clean it out if it is left in there for long enough).

But through it all we seem to get along fine. Patterns develop and sensitive souls know to leave the room when politics--or what the appropriate word for poop is, topics--are brought up. Foot in mouth tries hard but continues to offend and be scolded (give him a break, he came from the loopys!) and you better just pray dad took his zoloft when you gather. It might just be fun to see which of these offspring we all decided we were brave enough to create, turn into crazys or loonys. Maybe they'll be croonys. And no doubt, one of them will think he's man enough to challenge uncle so and so on politics, or try to tell grandpa crazy that he shouldn't watch the Simpson's on Sunday. There is beauty all around....


dave said...

You hit the nail on the head. I just wish the damned "sensitive/ easily offended" people would grow a spine and everybody would come to the realization that the bananas are always located by the toaster. Love Dad

Mama Lisa said...

I get the feeling that the luneys didn't go to Seven Peaks today!? Can't they ever make a decision? They should just do what the crazies do and never plan anything

Jayne you are crazy and funny...just like your funny, rich cousins.

I'm trying to remember what funny thing happened on the jet ski with Jayne and Courtney when we went to Lake Powell...also what made Court get so mad at her dad?

Stephanie Aurora Clark Nielson said...

In Christians family, there are no crazies, no loonies, just "spaceys". Someone could have won the lottery and no none would know about..."my my, Debbie sure is driving a fancy car these days..."
"What, Alice had a baby? I didn't know she was even pregnant!"
I love the crazys and loonys, every single one of them!

c jane said...

Speaking of kooks,I will tell you what happened when Jayne and I were on the jet ski. We were tired and wanted to get off the jet ski and on the houseboat. My dad (another man who prefers his Zoloft sunny side up!) was driving the houseboat and Dave (the man that believes bananas should go by the toaster) waved us in. My dad, apparently didn't see Dave wave to us, and didn't stop the houseboat in time...thus we collided.
I of course took the blame, but I still say it was Dave's fault.
Also Lisa, I am not sure why I was so mad at my Dad on the occasion that you are referring to, but I do remember that being the case for most of my formative years. He proabably wouldn't buy me the Bullfrog t-shirt that I wanted. Those t-shirts were the shizzy at Wasatch Elementary School, back in the day.
AND I'd like to say Lisa, I thought you were one of the most normal people I grew up knowing. I don't think you are a croony.

mama lisa said...

I'm so embarassd abot how I speled looneys! How wold a crazy kno how to spel luney.

Katie and I want to get blogs from you cute, funny, rich cousins

Happy Birthday Stephanie!

Little Miss said...

Dave, How about butter? In the fridge, or in the cupboard?

christopher clark said...

You should always leave the bananas by the toaster, just as you should always serve cottage cheese at Sunday dinner. Ah, the Clark legacy!

Stef WELLS Hall said...

I feel as though you're really taking liberties using
the term "Crazy" to refer to my family of origin. I
am appalled at the idea of someone consuming a
caffinated beverage and viewing television on the
Sabbath. I am not sure that it is wise to label
individuals and disclose personal medications that do
not involve you. Surely you are not suggesting that
such behaviors are genetically influenced! I don't
know who you were referring to when you mentioned
oppinionated famliy members or those who might put
their "foot in their mouth", but I want you to know
that I voted whole heartedly for Sean Hannity in this
last election and will no longer support Heinz Ketchup
Sales. Damn it!