Hazel and I are fighting today. Sunday mornings are never easy for me, but the last couple have almost made me convert to religion at home: including Teletubbies, Baby Einstein and Bongo (One of Disney's masterpieces). Before you send my visiting teachers over with freshly baked bread (or just tell them to leave it on the porch) listen to my plea: COME GET HAZEL!
I bought a few pair of rainbow pants and matching colored tops at the children's place a few months ago. At the time I was thrilled--they were only 99 cents each! Now, I look back and see this as an unfortunate mistake I only wish I could take back. Hazel wants to wear the clowny outfits everyday. I am calm when I first remind her that we wear dresses to church, not clown rainbow pants and shirts. I take out every dress in her closet and give her a choice. 'Oh look! Grandma Wells gave this pretty dress to you, let's wear this one!'
'Oh Grandma Clark gave this one to you, I love this one.'
'No tanks' (louder)
'Wow, look what Grandma Dawn gave you' (all of her nice clothes were given to her by some smarter person who bypassed the clowny rainbow pants at the store)
'NO TANKS! NO TANKS!"
'Well you have to wear a dress to church.'
'No! Only Apple juice!'
'Okay you can have apple juice after you put on your dress!'
'NO! ONLY APPLE JUICE!'
I force a dress on. She pulls it off her body and holds her hands out quivering with maddness.
40 minutes go by, Hazel still in tights and a diaper. Church has started.
I stoop to the purple rainbow shirt. 'Here Hazel, let's put this on.'
'Oh! This one!'
'Yes, let's put this one on.'
Lucky for me, I also purchased a khaki skirt at the children's place which she allowed me to put on since we had the lovely shirt of her choice.
'Look Hazel, mommy got you some new black shoes for church! Aren't they pretty? Look at the bow!'
'NO TANKS! NO TANKS! Only this one!'
'The pink ones. What a surprise. Fine. Here let me put the pink shoes on. Let's go everyone, time for church.'
'No only gamma's house.'
On our way out...
'Hi Mommy!' as sweet as can be.
'Hi Hazel.' (Wait! I'm still really mad at you!)
'Only apple juice mommy'
'Okay, only apple juice.'
I'm inviting all next week to my house for church. Rainbow pants are strongly encouraged and only apple juice is served with ONLY the marshmallows from the lucky charms.
P.S. Would you rather have no hair on your body or be an exceptionally hairy person?