Saturday, April 22, 2006


In family Survior, if there was such a thing, I would be the second one to be voted off. My mom would be first--because after a xanaxless night, she'd beg us to let her get home to her heating pad and Pepsi. My brother Danny SHOULD be voted off second--when asked to clean a chair off, he brought a wet towel and a bottle of dish soap (to pour on the chair). Charles would beat Dan, but stubborn Katie and stubborn Dad would fight for the championship. Ultimately Katie would triumph. I can imagine few things that would get between Katie and the million dollars. She'd deserve it though, darn it. She'd deserve it. Katie would invest her millions smartly and she'd be able to calculate how much she was earning at all times of the day. She'd still hunt through weekly grocery store ads and poor Lance would still have to drink Dr. Bold and eat no-name saltines.

Katie is my 25 year old, 5 foot 4, hundred pound, younger sister. Katie is the kind of sister that always saved some of her Easter treats in her drawer. A few days later when my Easter candy was long gone, Katie would happen to cross my path with a Cadbury egg in hand. She's also the kind of sister that saw my less-than-par quiz that was accidentally left on the kitchen counter and asked, in utter shock, 'Mom, was Jayne mad about this?' In 8th grade, when my algebra had stumped mom and dad and left me in tears, Katie came to the rescue citing that she could help me as she'd "Learned that in her 6th grade math class today!"

Katie knows what she wants and she'll find a way to get it. When buying a dress for the homecoming dance, DC Cutter just didn't have what it took. Katie made up a pattern and made her sparkling blue dress. When Pottery Barn had canvas paintings on sale for a few hundred dollars, Katie painted her own canvas paintings. This is my sister Katie.

"I like your haircut Jayne, who did it for you?"

"Oh, Katie."

"Katie cuts hair?"

"Well, yes. Katie cuts hair."

"Katie, did you get new curtains?"

"Oh I just made those yesterday when it was too bright in Atticus's room."

"Look, I've made some baby shoes out of felt. Will you see if they fit Parley?"

"Tell Hazel I made some brown bread for her this morning."

"Katie, don't tell me you made this stained glass cover for your entryway table."

"Yes, do you like it?"

I tell you, this is Katie. It is bazaar but true. She does everything and while she does it, her house sparkles and she's painted her cupboards. She can be ready in 5 minutes--but you wish your hair looked like hers. She's finished her Pilates and is ready for a rigourous walk.

Now before you (grandma, mom, Jed) call me and remind me of my 'neat' qualities, understand that I'd rather you take me to dinner. No, scratch that, just know that I am OKAY. I am used to being the Jan of the Brady's, watching as Marsha (you know who) steals the show. Actually, I've said it once and I'll say it again, there are some real benefits to not being talented. You'll never hear my dad asking me to sew blue tarps into scooter covers or using all my time to play barber on Sunday nights. Katie always gets the assignment when we're aching for a cookie or cinnamon rolls (or both--just say the word). Actually, I benefit from Katie's abilities too. I don't go to any store without her these days. Katie can round up Hazel much faster than I can. So please, before you start feeling bad for me, be glad for me. I will NEVER sew up Danny's Jeep. (But if you just can't help yourself from feeling bad, I have been dying to go to the Olive Garden.)

I'll admit it, it's tough being 7 houses away from Queen Katie. My unorganized messes must scream out like my unfortunate quiz of the past, 'HELP Katie! Save your older sister from destruction!!' But I'll tell you one thing, I'm happy everyday to see her and walk a few paces behind her on the rigorous walk.


dave said...

Wah wah wah. I chose you for help with english.(Why do we use semi-colons anyway?)Remember, I taught you patience. Love Dad

Kate said...

Jayner- Those are a lot of nice things you said! You did forget, however, to mention how I am the worst speller in the family-(well, Dan may be almost as bad as me). Really, if there are any misspellings in this- they were not on purpose! I know Jayne, that you are not fishing for compliments or anything- but I know that I am the luckiest girl alive to have had such a great older sister to look up to and to learn from! I remember being 14 or so and watching you and all the 20 boy's after you thinking, "I will never have that many boys like me!" I really could name 20! I have thought about doing a blog before, but then I think "mine would never be as good as Jayne's- you see, I don't write well, and I am not funny." Even ask Chuck- Jayne is the funny sister. If you ever need someone to give a lesson or talk, don't come to me- Jayne is the one you want! I can't tell you how many times that I have watched jayne with her Children and thought- "I want to be as good a mother as my sister!" I really try, but I don't think there is anyone kinder, more unselfish, more patient, or more understanding, than Jayne. I may bake bread, but I sure wish I was better about reading my scriptures or volunteering to bake potatoes for a ward funeral. Even Hazel reads her scriptures. Atticus won't even fold his arms! If Lance and I died- Atticus would go to Jayne-and I know that he wouldn't skip a beat because he loves her as much as he loves me! I guess writing an awesome book about Grandma Marion isn’t talent!? I could never do that- and wouldn't have even thought about it. I think it is a good thing that people are good at different things. Maybe that is why we are such good friends! I am glad that people never ask me to give lessons in relief society! I am glad people don’t count on me to do the family history! I am glad that people don’t ask me to revise their papers! And yes the haircutting, and sewing scooter covers gets annoying! I think that someday we will be in PTA together and you will be the president going to all the important meetings, writing letters, helping out in classes, doing fundraisers and reflections. I will bring the treats for the class party, or make costumes for the play. Jayne, you are my best friend and favorite sister!

Danny said...

well, i think id wanna be kicked off first so i wouldnt have to hear all of your insults. katie is a bad speller yes... jayne isnt as good as katie, mom has restless legs, dad has a bad knee and bad back. chuck was once gay, and broke moms tail bone and there we have it. where would we be without me? I sure saved Parleys beehind from all the fat insults being the fattest baby. but its ok that you dont wanna help with my jeep jayners, katie will shes been my favortie sister all along :) haha jk but youll wanna be in my jeep when the top and doors are off!

Linds said...

I always thought I felt left out not having a sister, and now I REALLY do!! I love you Jayne, and will miss you dreadfully when I am on the other side of the country. And when you want to go to the "O.G." you just let me know.

Lisa Marie said...

Speaking of "Survivor", who do you think would win out of Godzilla and a Tyranasaraus Rex? (Ask Andy!) How about between Anjelina or Jen? Tom or Brook? Starr or Joy? Homer or Ned? Oprah or Dr. Phil? Huh? Now there are some things to think about! I do know that Sheryl and I wouldn't have a chance against our sister Shana because she's not anemic (and lots of other reasons).
Who would win out of the "Clark brothers and sisters"? I guess it would be Jim because he has all that corn and candy in his pockets!
And Jed thought I wasn't clever anymore! :)

c jane said...

Lisa Marie, That's easy. Aunt Chris would win because she is rich. She could just hire someone to survive.

Kate just wrote that long post because she even wants her comments to be the best. It's exhausting.

But how I love her for it!

c jane said...

Don't tell Aunt Cris that I wrote her name wrong in that previous comment.

I want to stay firm in her will.

Lisa Marie said...

Courtney, Now you are really in trouble with Aunt Chriss because she spells her name Aunt Chriss!

Can you believe that everyone thinks that I would be the first one voted off Survivor? Remember what a good camper I was at girl's camp? And I would wear my new shirt from Grandma Marion every day on Survivor!

Lisa Marie said...

Ok, its me again. I just wanted to defend my son, Danny, in this public forum! He might just beat Katie on Survivor because he has been lifting weights at PHS, he is comfortable living in a dirty room, he's good at talking people into doing things for him (like Chuck is also good at), and he learned how to cook cheese fries at Training Table!
Dan is an awesome kid. I don't think he should be telling people that Chuck is gay though while he is not here to defend himself. Soon he'll be home....a legal Mexican!

Linds said...

Wait.....Chuck is gay?

jayniemoon said...

Aunt Chriss doesn't know who you are. And Dan's just comfortable in a dirty room because it's easier than dish soap and a towel. and if chuck is gay, someone better inform Stephanie.

Danny said...

jayne if you didnt have hazel, or you atleast taught her to hold it in (tinkle) then would have nothing on me. oh i hope you all like this pic..

t it ake a look and clickor put into address bar. kates got nothing over you on this pic jayne :)

love your brother dan

jayniemoon said...

dan--you're right. Katie never looked so good. In fact, I don't know many people that have ever looked so smashing. you think we could send that link to modeling scouts?

kate said...

Dan the photo is great- but a pain in the butt to try to view. Jayne can I borrow that outfit?

kate said...

If Aunt Chriss is in the process of hiring someone to survive, I want to know where to turn in my application. How much does it pay?

c jane said...

Sorry to inform you.
Aunt Chrisssss doesn't know who you are either.

Katie said...

You are right Courtney. Aunt chris doesn't know who I am- but she may remember Lance. She really enjoyed dancing with him at our wedding, stuffing twenties into his pockets. Thank you aunt Chriss.

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