Thursday, April 23, 2009

Tanning and Texting

Nothing says spring like college students tanning at the local park. Tanning is funny enough when you're in your own backyard, but at a park? Right next to a playground? Where children are eating lunch and swinging?

I went to an elementary school very close to a college campus. As soon as spring showed its pretty face, so would the tanners. There they'd lay, just left of the baseball field, on flimsy beach towels on the lawn. There was a standing dare for any and all elementary kids to throw cups of water on the tanners at recess time. The dare was especially encouraged if one of the tanners had her strap undone--hoping for a line-less tan. I went through with the dare one time with my friends. The tanners were mad. We laughed, but then I felt bad.

Two days ago I took my boys to a secluded little park. We met my sister (in the beginnings of labor) and her boys for a picnic. It was the first nice day since September (I swear) and moms and kids were all about. And there, left of the big colored concrete map of the U.S., was the tanner. She was all alone when Parley and Jones found her.

Katie called Jones to come back. He wanted to talk with the tanner. He is, after all, a sociable little fellow. The tanner did not want to talk. She was, after all, tanning.

She was joined not long after by the boyfriend tanner. (Boyfriend tanners. Can we spend a minute on them? Boyfriend. As in, male, as in, tanning men. At a park. Are you as baffled as I am?) The boyfriend tanner pulled his shirt off and lay down by blondie tanner. They tanned and texted, tanned and texted. All the while children played around them. Ultimately, blondie tanner left and boyfriend tanner kept texting.

UR so tan ;)
No, UR!
Where RU?
By the slide.
I'm by the map.
LOL! Come over!
moms=totally pale!

I don't feel bad about throwing the water anymore. Not one bit.


Wells said...

jayne=so funny!
anita=never been tanning
but i'm surprised your kids didn't strip down and join them :-)

Heather said...

Katie is having a baby?
Yeah having tanners at a park with children, that would be hard to explain to little ones.

emze said...

Hmmmm... there goes my idea for our next playgroup. I thought it would be nice if we all went tanning and started the kids on an early path to skin cancer. Come on, you know it would be fun. I would bring my oil (because sunscreen is for sissies) and we could grease the kids up and teach them to lay very still on a towel while they sweat and blister under the sun. Just think about it.

Odle Family said...

So funny. I can't believe that there were tanners in the park, and a boyfriend tanner. What is the world coming to. Tell Katie congrats for me.

Ginna said...

this post cracked me up. I'm glad I ran across your blog.

Anonymous said...

Welcome back!!!! I was starting to worry that I would have to find something else to read during my lunch break! :)

I am a (reformed) park tanner. My bff's and I would tan until it was time to go to the bar. Those good times ended with a not so pretty wardrobe malfunction. But, just to show my age, back when I was a park tanner, there were no cell phones...only Zach Morris style phones. We were still too cool for pagers. :) Have a great weekend!:)

Anonymous said...

aren't bikini's against the CODE?!?! shocked. where is this park again?

Jordan said...


Kelly said...

I went to that same school. We once found a playboy magazine stashed inside a big pine tree at Kiwanas park. Eye opening to say the least!!

Adrienne said...

Jayne! The Kiwanis park tanners are filthy people! I assume this is Kiwanis, anyway. I think a good playgroup idea could involve water balloons, super soakers and hurling epithets, yes? They remind me of these SNL sketches:
Anyway, you crack me up.

jayniemoon said...

Adrienne--that sketch was so awesome. Do you have a blog? I can't find you.

paige said...

lol. haha. this is a gr8 post jayne!!! u r 2 cool. luv u

Sarah said...

I usually have to warn my children to stay away from the creepy old man who sits on the bench by the slide. Doesn't every park have one of those? I think they come with the "kit" that came with the playground equipment the city ordered. Maybe your city upgraded to the "tanner package"?

All kits come standard with swarming bees by the trash can, gum under the picnic tables, a heat sponge on every slide so it is impassable after Memorial Day, and one hypodermic needle....buried deep within the mulch.

Loved your post. Too funny.

megan said...

ha ha ha. ha ha.

c jane said...

tanned and texted.

i've seen it with my own two eyes.

Sue said...

Great blog.


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