A $39 Mess
A man came up to my door the other day, all sweaty and messy looking. I recognized him, he has been here before. In fact, he comes around every spring and fall, telling the same jokes, and reminding me of missions he pays for. Yes, I remember this man.
"Hi," I say.
"Do you remember me?" he asks.
"Yes, yes I do." I say. (Because I do.)
"Missions, missions, joke, joke, laugh-y, laugh-y, aerate your lawn."
Okay, I'm not a sucker for salespeople. For the most part, I can kindly say no:
"I'm so sorry, we can't afford it."
"I'm sorry, maybe another time."
"I'm sorry, I don't even get to read the magazines I already have."
Jed is a sucker for salesmen, (and infomercials--have I told you about the Total Gym?), so he always leaves them at the door for me. "Oh, hi! Let me get my wife!" Thanks Jed.
And really, isn't it funny that we pay people for aerating our lawn?
"Hello! You want to put holes all over my lawn and leave little poop-like clods of dirt on every square inch of the grass? Oh, and will those poop-like clods get muddy and stuck all over my kids' shoes? And then will they bring those poopy-mud shoes in my house and onto my mopped floor? Awesome! And it's only $39? Let me get my checkbook--don't you go anywhere!!"
I know, all you men out there are saying, "blah blah blah blah root system blah blah blah," but does anyone really have proof that those holes help anything? I swear it's all a hoax. A $39 hoax people play on us every spring and fall.
I paid the man to ruin my lawn. I tried not to, I am supposed to support the Young Men in our ward by letting them wreck it, but he reminded me that the Young Men only come in the spring, and that "as seen on the news, now is the best time to aerate your lawn." I ran out of excuses and I paid the man. He did give me the widow's price--that was nice. But, instead of getting a new pair of shoes, a nice dinner, or even a magazine subsciption with my $30, I got a yard full of poop-clods. Ahh, aeration.