Sunday, August 01, 2010

On Air Travel


Since I just traveled on an airplane I'm pretty much an expert on air travel. I made a few observations and I thought I'd share some suggestions with you in case you ever travel by airplane (popular way to go these days!).

Some tips for before you board the airplane:

1. You don't need to buy food before you board! Just relax and know that the generous airline sells cup-noodles for $5 while you fly! Sure, everyone is getting hamburgers and tacos before they board, but YOU, you are the one who everyone will envy when that stewardess hands you that Manchurian noodle cup. $5 of Y-U-M!

2. If you're tired, it's okay to lay across 4 chairs and sleep! Seriously, those people sitting on their suitcases don't mind! It's the middle of the day and you're tired. Take those 4 chairs--you're on standby!

3. If you have lots of make-up, wear it! Put on more make-up than you've ever worn! You never know who you'll meet on a plane--you for sure want to look your best.

4. Book a flight that lands at 5:30 a.m. (3:30 a.m. Utah time) so you have plenty of time to walk the streets (and parks and Dunkin' Donuts) before you check into your hotel. We've never done that, though, we've just heard it really rules and you're not tired at ALL.


Tips for after you've boarded:

1. Look at all the first class passengers in the eye. They love it! First classies love to have relationships with coachies and if you're feeling really friendly, strike up conversation about their work and how you could get a job there. If you throw out names like Brangelina, they may even let you take the extra seat next to them!

2. If you have to go to the bathroom while the stewardesses are serving drinks, just walk really close behind them. Even though you can't pass by them, YOU are going to be the very first in line when they get way back there to the back of the plane. Besides maybe they'll give you a few extra drinks while you wait for 40 minutes behind their cart!

3. The Sky Magazine is totally awesome. Don't think about bringing anything else to read.

4. But if you do bring something to read, make sure it is from the Twilight series. Then in super quiet moments, you can sigh and say, "Edward!". Then you can look around and see who is watching you. You'll lock eyes and start to make out. That would have worked out way better had Jed not been right next to me telling me to knock it off.

5. When you land the best thing to do is jump right out of your seat and grab your carry-on bag. Sure you'll stand in line forever waiting for the first-classies to put their pillows and foot massagers away, and stand in super close proximity to everyone still sitting down, but you deserve to be off that plane! Stand up and wait!

Like I said, and as I'm sure you can see, I'm pretty much an airline expert. And thanks to me, now you are too!

15 comments:

Fawn and Flower said...

Don't forget the in-flight safety manuals! It's not just a Fight Club joke; those things are hilar for weeks. I save all of mine and add speech bubbles later.

Teachinfourth said...

I fee's surel even more like an expert at flying now…before I just had this to help me out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9em-ZCddWk

You're welcome for the additional 'education.'

Teachinfourth said...

Wow, my typing program really jacked that first sentence and I didn't notice it at first…

Ugh.

Mynamyn said...

And when traveling with children, don't bother bringing any pesky activities. The thrill of a 6 hour plane ride is entertainment enough for even the smallest toddler!

Also, you can disregard those "carry-on bag size limit" suggestions. I know your bag will fit in the overhead compartment if you just keep jamming it in there. Don't worry about the line of people waiting for their seats, they'll appreciate the extra time standing because of the hours of sitting ahead of them.

Kim said...

And when your neighbor to the right feels the need to lay their little head down on your shoulder for a mid flight snooze, no need to worry. Just gently stroke their head. Who doesn't like to stroke the head of a stranger?

And when they have a sudden violent head jerk because they are dreaming of falling off a cliff, no need to panic. The bloody nose and black eyes will heal quickly!

Bridget said...

this is hilarious.

you forgot to mention though how super fun it is to be on the plane taxi-ing for like an hour because you're number 23 in line for takeoff. SUPER FUN!! when that happens, youre $5 cup of yum is even yummier.

Micah said...

I also find it's important to conversate as loud as one possible can. Everyone knows people who fly are interested in all the details of your life (the minutely mundane to the shockingly scandalous). I personally don't get to exercise this very often b/c I find myself so engrossed in others conversations that I can't focus well enough to hold my own. I most assuredly don't spend the flight trying to find ways to block obnoxious ramblings or ranting to my husband that I wish the person in 23E would be struck with laryngitis until the end of the flight.

Also, for us members of the female persuasion it seems important to find sweat pants that have things like "Juicy" and "Phat" across the John Brown Hind Parts to aptly describe perky little derrieres. I also don't get to participate in this very much b/c I can't find a pair that says "Chubby" or "Dimpled".

Jen said...

and don't forget that while sitting on your suitcase waiting to board your flight you must keep scooting a bit closer and closer to the jet way door so that even though you are number 55D and should be the LAST to board, the stewerdess will surely let YOU board first because you were the CLOSEST to the door when she opned it up for boarding!

Nicole said...

This is funny, and I laughed out loud, but what I am very curious about is...are you really reading Twilight?

Stopher and Nicolle said...

two words, three syllables: Watership Down. wow! loved it when i was a kid. now forcing my husband to read it...

TheFashionationLife said...

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Liz said...

man you are funny... i love your posts! so psyched when i came by and saw a new one... and about flying, too! you rock..

Kim said...

just so you know, I am headed to Florida this week. I have printed your list and I will make sure I follow the rules to a T!

love bug momma said...

Seriously! TOO funny!!! :>

Lucky ♥ Holly said...

You should also talk to the person beside you that is interested in their book/ipod/day dreaming. Talk to them about everything that's ever happened to you, like EVER!