Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Ambien CR (for CRazy)

Jed would be a happy drunk. I found that out last night. Since he doesn't drink, I've always wondered what kind of drunk he'd be. I suspected, but now I know.

Last September, after a sleep study [that Jed swore he'd never participate in], the doctor prescribed Ambien for nights Jed couldn't sleep. Last night proved to be one of those nights. I had fallen asleep saying my prayer--anyone who has lived with me knows this happens way too often, but I always deny it, especially when confronted about it. So, I acted all alert when Jed came in from brushing his teeth.

"I'm a bit compromised," Jed said as he fell on top of me.
"I hate this game." I said, remembering all the times Jesse would fall on top of me in the swimming pool proclaiming, "I'm dead." The "game" was to get his dead weight body off of me.
"No, I mean, the pill. I've been compromised. I think it has made me little loopy."

And then he proceeded to show me what he'd be like if he were drunk.
He didn't stop talking for a half hour. He told me about labyrinths with walls made of muffins, ball pits made of something else that apparently represented his love for me (always the romantic), and ski resorts with mountains made of crisco.

But my goodness he was happy. He'd be the guy you invite to the party just cause he's so funny drunk. But unless you throw parties at midnight, close to our bed, you just might never see it. But I am kicking myself for not taping it last night. I think, as long as I'm not praying when Jed comes to bed, I'll have the camera prepped for the next sleepless night.

And sometime, remind me to tell you about the (desperate) time our bed was turning into lasagna or when he saved me from the 3 foot tall spider hanging in the air. And these without Ambien. So much to look forward to.


Lisa said...





Lindsey said...

This sounds EVER SO FAMILIAR! One time you'll havel to ask Andy about my Ambien-induced hallucinations...kitty's serving soup from a large fruitful tree and me soaring through the sky in rainbow orbs... totally awesome.

Jen said...

Next time break out the web cam and entertain us further!

emze said...

Mark seems much happier when chemically induced also. I am considering buying him non-alcoholic beer bottles and filling them up with the real thing and seeing if we aren't a much happier and more entertained family. Do you think that is wrong?

The real question is Jayne, what kind of drunk are you? Really?

Wells said...

Matt had some CRazy Ambien moments too--which of course he denies, since that retrograde amnesia effect is so helpful. Those warning labels should be stronger!

jed said...

holy crap, linds, it like we are taking the same drugs! rainbow orbs!

so rad.

Anonymous said...

"Ambien" he calls it? Yeah. Right. Ambien. I've used that excuse once or twice.