Married to an Old Man
Yesterday I was looking at my blog and a new picture had replaced my family under gave up my dreams of pop-stardom for... I knew I had seen this new picture before but could not remember where. I argued with Jed; swearing that he used it in a hearing center site he designed, and him swearing that he'd certainly remember it if he had. Then it came to me. I saw it on my friend Jason's Valentine post. I am still baffled as to how it got on my blog, and it only showed up on my browser--not Jed's (yeah, we have separate browsers, what's it to you?).
But the photo, an older man hugging a little boy, was ironic because it represented something I've been thinking a lot about lately. See, I'm a little concerned that Jed is an old man in a 31 year old body. I guess I should have seen it all along. When I met him in high school, he'd wear polyester pants (that are made to look like jeans) that he purchased at Savers (no doubt donated from the daughter of a deceased older man) and had poker nights with friends who also wore similar apparel. He knew all the words to the Music Man and could sing tunes from every other musical.
Somehow the old-manness of these behaviors were masked by his charm and good looks. But in recent trips to the grocery store, he has come home with staples including Pero and non-dairy hazelnut creamer. He has mastered the mixture--which sometimes includes sugar-free hot chocolate--and sips it as we watch Hulu together. It wasn't that weird that he told me after every cup, and there are a lot of them, how fantastic the mixture is, but when I found out he was tweeting about Pero, I started to get concerned.
And then I found Reisen in his desk drawer. You know, Reisen, those dark chocolate candies (that are actually kind of tasty) that only old men buy? Jed had them in his desk. And when I dug a little further, I found a Toffifay bar too. My cousin once bought a Toffifay candy bar in high school when we stopped off for treats. We've never let her live it down. Because Toffifay, like those Cherry cordial balls and Neccos are candies we all pass over and wonder who in their right mind buys them. Now we know: Jed.
You know I'm a candy connoisseur--there isn't much I don't like. But some candy is kind of a waste to eat. Why eat Neccos when you could eat Hot Tamales? If you're going to eat sugar (there's a rumor going around that it's not very good for you!), why not eat something awesome instead of mediocre? Yesterday Jed came home with those sugar coated jelly bunny things. The big chunky ones that are colorful--you know the ones. I call them "gross candies." Not that I won't eat them, they are, after all, candy. They're just grosser than other candies. I could totally picture them in little bowls on a grandparent's table next to the jelly beans and Werther's Original.
He has also been known to pick Dee's Restaurant (similar to Denny's) when given an option, checks out Opera CDs from the library, purchased a Neil Diamond CD and owns about 75 big fatty ties. The man is 31. What happens when a young man who is already old, really gets old? Should I be worried?
It's good we don't have a working TV, he just might discover MASH or Perry Mason.