Friday, July 13, 2012

Funny, Funny, Flat Things

I need a new bra.  George stopped nursing a month ago, taking both my heart and breasts away.   I hate buying underwear--you'll recall, and my last bras were actually given to me by my younger cousin, Paige, so I guess it's time I break down and purchase something that really fits.   

Since I didn't see myself having an extra hour to go out and look at the latest styles of white or off-white bras, I started to search online.  Trying on bras is almost as bad as forking out money for them, but online shopping seems a little risky.  I mean, even the names are overwhelming--supermodel push-up bra, cotton lingerie wireless bra, sexy-tee full coverage bra, multi-way bra, bandeaus and bralettes (what are those anyway?).  I searched the site and never found the "just finished nursing my fourth baby and need to look decent in a t-shirt and a little extra padding would be nice" bra, so I'm really stumped.

Since my babies have robbed me of my former C cup (but gave generously to my lower abdomen), I'm not even sure what size I am.  The two sites giving me directions on how to measure myself offer suggestions that give me two different sizes. 
I went downstairs to ask for Jed's help.  Our conversation went like this:

"I need you to help me measure my bust so I can get a new bra." I said, while lifting up my shirt and handing him a tape measure.
"Are you sure you're supposed to measure yourself while you're wearing a bra that's too big for you?"
"The site said to wear a bra!"
"Okay, but that one is just too big."
"But that's all I have!"
"Okay, but --"
"Fiiiiiiiiine.  Where is that bra lady that measures you when you need her?"

But when it came down to it, and I had a little time to get measured, I couldn't face it.  I went to dinner with my friends instead.  I told them I was supposed to be getting a new bra.  Casey had a solution.  "You've got to get a genie bra.  I promise. You'll never go back!"  She then told us about when she'd given up on wearing bras and her sister told her since she was eight months pregnant she had to wear one.  So she gave her the genie bra. "I'm leaving you one at my mom's house!" Casey told me, before she left to go home to Ohio the next morning.  It didn't sound so bad--no fitting, and free? Wrap it up, I'll take it!

Is this starting to feel like the friendship amish bread of bras to you?  Her sister left her one and now she's leaving me one.  Am I now, responsible to change someone else's life with a genie bra?  

 Well you just wait and see.  If this bra (including something called "modesty pads"--how mother-like!) is just what I ever wanted, you may be the next lucky recipient. 


jayniemoon said...

I don't know what happened to my comments, but Sarah, you aren't blind. They were indeed gone. And your comment on the other cheered me greatly on this rainy day. Just think of the dinner we could have with your $68 and my $50! Wouldn't we have a fantastic time!

Zach and Codi said...

Come on down to Arkansas, before I became a makeup artist I was a bra fitter. I'll get you taken care of in no time! I must say though... I still have nightmares of some of my experiences with that job... Ugghhh... shutter at the thought.

Jason and Shannon Salmon said...

Pick me, pick me!! Hahaha. It was fun seeing you the other night!!

yellowmutt said...

Genie bra is just the very best thing EVER! you won't go back, I had given up on bras too...but these things are great, I don't know who came up with the fact that women have to wear uncomfortable contraptions full of metal and plastic (had to be a man). I never knew why we wore those things and went to camis and sports bras, but then i tried a genie bra and it's the best of both worlds. I threw all the others out haha.

JACK-A-JAME? said...

I have already been converted. I bought the 3 pack at burlington coat factory for 19.99! Not to bad. It look very similar to the way you look in your pic. Next on my list? the pajama jean.

Jen said...

Again that last one was me! Just don't throw out the pads like I did. They do serve a purpose when you wear thin tees or when it gets nippley out!

Jill said...

Laughed myself to tears. Just finishing nursing my fourth and will be enjoying my own funny funny flat things soon enough. Let me know if the bra is all that and maybe I could find one:)