Saturday, December 02, 2006

I have to make very important decisions in short amounts of time each day. Decisions often include: Shower or breakfast? Fix hair or do dishes? You laugh now, but in a few short years one of my friends will drag me to the Oprah show, "My Friend Let Herself Go!" because unfortunately, sometimes I must choose dishes.
I find that I spend way too much time on things I don't want to do while the things I do want to do get pushed aside. Take for instance my interest in floor sweeping. Truth be told, I have no interest in sweeping the floor. However, one way or another, it seems to find its way to the top of my list every day. It often manages to weasel its way up there two or three times a day. Another example: fixing food. No matter how many times you do it, it still needs doing the next day. I'm like a child with a white "stop you from opening the door" thing on the doorknob. I work and work to get it off and when I finally do, my dad scoops me up and puts me back in with that darn doorknob blocker. The same work needs to be done again and again, you see, so I don't ever move on to anything else. So, in case I never really get to what I want to do in this lifetime, I thought I'd at least tell you what I'd do, if I could, ere you think my passions include sweeping and other such nonsensical tasks.

In this lifetime, I hope to:
Learn Italian and Spanish
Get back to playing the piano
Learn to play the organ
Publish a children's book
Have enough money so that I can donate my time as a elementary school librarian
organize my closet
organize my cupboards
(who am I kidding) call someone to come over and organize my house
own a little antiques store and go on buying trips across the U.S.
Go on a girls trip to one of the Country Living Antique fairs
Stay at as many of the Country Living "Inn of the Month" Inns as possible
Go on the Ellen show
Go to a HEM concert
Have a small part in one of Jed's movies
Take my family back to Jerusalem
Finish writing my grandparent's histories
Write my own Personal history
Have my complete food storage
Go to at least one baseball, football and basketball game a year
Make a lullaby CD with Jed for our kids
Print my photos and put them in appropriate albums or frames
Finish putting Jerusalem photos and mission photos in appropriate albums
Be able to afford appropriate photo albums for such projects
Read books I want to read
Write an occasional column in a newspaper
Host a pumpkin carving party
Attend the Academy Awards with Jed
Start new holiday traditions with my family
Serve a mission
Be a primary chorister
Get rich enough to buy my families homes near each other
Potty train my daughter

In the next life I hope to:
Be a news anchor
Be able to play Rachmaninoff's 2nd and 3rd concertos
Not be afraid of singing solos
Be warm all the time
Never sweep again

What are your dreams?


Anita Wells said...

I love it Jayne! Plus many of those are really quite feasible. You could put the sports activities and pumpkin carving parties on your 2007 calendar and decide to write your personal history--cover one year a week and you'll be done by your birthday :-) And potty training! Just put that on the calendar and tell Hazel, I'm sure she'll cooperate! (Maybe Parley can be peer pressure for her in a few months when he learns.)
Writing the goals down is the first step. We had a RS lesson recently about living life as if you were going to die tomorrow, and people had some interesting thoughts about what they would/should do differently.
I'm with you on lots of those--learning organ, organizing the house, going on a mission, taking my family back to Jerusalem... other ones on my list are putting together a photo family tree on a wall, taking a mother/daughter trip to Prince Edward Island, working at the temple--but probably right now I should go sweep :-)

jayniemoon said...

Anita, you're so great. Funny enough, as I was writing my list, I thought...Anita has done this one..oh and this one...and this one! I'm always amazed at what you get done! Prince Edward Island sounds fun! That family tree will be awesome.

MamaLisa said...

I'm living ALL my dreams right now! :) It all happens as soon as you turn 50! he he. But, I do feel very lucky to have time to read....on a warm spot on the couch. Sometimes I spend too much time reading on a warm spot on the couch. I actually get so obsessed with what I'm reading that I don't get to any of the other things I've been dreaming about doing. (Except floor sweeping!) Then as soon as I finish reading a book, I feel restless and like I need a book to be reading. Obsessive Compulsive!
I hope to hear from Shana on this blog...she can tell everyone how to beat the floor sweeping trap!

Linds said...

Some of my Dreams include:
*Taking a trip to Europe
*Seeing David Bowie in concert
*Be an actress
*Own a daycare
*Going to a NCAA BCS Championship football game....Hey! Wait! I AM! Woo hoo!!! Go Gators!
*Feel Good

Some of my Daily Dreams include:
*Finding someone to put away clean laundry.
*Finding someone to sweep the floor so Deacon doesn't eat pine needles that get tracked inside
*Feel Good

I think the best feeling in the world is being able to cross off something that you accomplish from your Dream list. Little does Shana know that she is going to pay later on with really bad knees from being on them so much with a damp paper towel in hand doing her floors! Hello!? It's called SWIFFER!

c jane said...

You always said you wanted to be a news anchor. I am glad that the dream is STILL alive.

jayniemoon said...

Linds! I never knew you had those dreams! I'll bring my kids to your day care while I run my antiques shop okay? Whatever you do, don't buy Shana a swiffer, she won't use it. I bought her a broom and she still gets on her hands and knees! She's always been one of those martyr types.

Linds said...

Well at my Daycare I will specialize in potty-training, so, yes, you can bring your kids to my Daycare. Also, I think one of your daily, or weekly dreams should be more blogs because they make me laugh and feel happy.

jayne said...

Linds! When are you starting that daycare? I need it asap! Blogging is definitely a dream of mine--I think all of my dreams are dependent upon your opening up that daycare!

mothe (short form mother) said...

One of my dreams is for Shana to learn how to comment on a blog! :)Look, we're all smarter than Shana.He he!
Jayne, remember how we want to have an antique shop with a place for the kids in the back? Well, Lindsey could have her daycare in our shop and we can sit and have Coke's and Dr. Pepper's together.

Paige said...

This is Paige, I am going to teach my mom to comment. She is not so savvy with this type of thing I guess. She is really really good at using wet paper towels to clean the floor though. :)

Lisa Marie said...

She is really really good at that! So, maybe she IS the smart one! We
ll all be looking for a comment from her!:)

jayniemoon said...

Paige, you always seem to come to the rescue. I can't believe I wasted all that money on Shana's broom.

Shana said...

Comment schmomment. I don't have time to comment--I have a floor to clean, on my hands and knees. Go ahead and feel good about sweeping but you're leaving lots of minute particles that only a good wet paper towel can get. Also, you're wrong Jayne. I use the broom all the time, outside in the garage where it makes sense to sweep because you don't really have to get every minute particle in a garage.

As for dreams, that's a tough one. I guess I have to say world peace, a cure for cancer, no more poverty or hunger. My dreams are a lot more noble than all of yours. But I have been known to be a martyr.

The floor is calling me.

Lisa said...

Noble schmoble! My dream is for "universe peace" and no hunger or poverty on any other planet or any other earth. My broom is calling me.I wish that d--- broom would shut up!

Shana said...

Oh, my gosh. I'm laughing out loud. You're right, you are more noble than any of us! Honestly, little things make me happiest. The crossword puzzle makes me happy (with a Pepsi). A clean house makes me happy. Working at the school makes me happy. Being on Jayne's video made me happy. Reading your guys' blogs makes me happy. My kids playing their instruments make me happy. A fun trip once in a while makes me happy. Paige going to the BCS game makes me happy. Surprising my kids for Christmas with stuff makes me happy. My (okay, Paige's) warm blanket makes me happy. My husband checking on me in the night three times (because I thought I might choke because I had a rash and thought I might be allergic to my antibiotic) makes me happy. Reading on my bench in the warm sun makes me happy. Kids generally make me happy. Going out with friends makes me happy. Most of all, being with family makes me happy.

Have you all ever read Voltaire's Candide? His message is "sow your garden." I think that is sort of my philosophy. Now I have to do some laundry and then probably wipe up the d___ floor. Love you guys.

jayniemoon said...

Well, you two might just as well say damn for all I care. You say it enough out loud that I am immune to your crassness.

Linds said...

Voltolini's Candide? Hmm...maybe we're relations.

Lisa said...

You guys are all crazy. Thank goodness, cause you all make me laugh and that releases seretonen and endorphines which makes ......he he just kidding about all that scientific stuff even though I'm really smart and do know a lot about stuff like that....I just love to read all of your funny comments. I think I spelled seritonun wrong both this time and the first time. How do you spell it Linds, Shan, Sher, or Jayne...the good spellers!

Linds, weren't you and Votaire Candide twins, separated at birth?

This blog has taken on a life of its own!

Michael Scott Heyn said...

I too have a dream...

It's no secret I like to draw, Lisa thinks I have skills when it comes to drawing things like animals.

I would like to be the go-to drawing guy. Like the General Manager of drawing things of my own card company.

I would focus my drawing efforts primarily on animals. Animals that typically don't get along with one another in nature. Like cats and birds.

Some might think, "Hmm, who in the hell would ever buy someone a card of a cat with a bird sitting on its head for their birthday?"

I would for sure.

That's my dream, we can all cool dreams...especially when you have an upper respiratory infection and you happen to take just a little more than the recommended dosage of NyQuil.

Linds said...

OH MY GOSH. Mike you are so damn (crass) funny!

I nominate Mike to start his own blog! I would read it daily!!!

I heart Mike.

Linds said...

I was just in the shower (again...crass) and I was thinking that if Mike had his own card company, could I write the funny caption? I.E. the card with the cat and bird on his head could say....

"Hey, don't be calling me 'feather brain'!"


shana said...

I guess I'm going to have to lock up the Nyquil. Somebody can't seem to hold his medication. However, if it helps you come up with a way to get "three-quarters of the way there," I guess it's worth it. Linds, I like the caption. You should submit that one to the New Yorker magazine. Oh wait, we've ALL already all sent in our quota of those. And, it's Voltaire you idiots, not Voltolini. And it's a great book. It's seratonin I think.

Lisa said...

Michael, that is a great dream for you. Just make sure you take Nyquil when you do your artwork so that you can feel completely free and creative! Lindsey, you should see the beautiful birthday card Mike made for me...with a bird on a cat's head. I think I will write that caption right on the card...which is tucked away in a special box where I keep my favorite cards.
I wouldn't just stop with cards, though, about a calendar...sticky note pads...or snow globes! You could be the next Thomas Kinkade for that matter!
So, I've been thinking of some great animal combinations for you to consider. How about a hedgehog on the head of a flamingo, or a ferret on the head of a manatee, underwater, trying to survive. He he! Oh, that's awful! I've gone completely nuts with excitement for your endeavors Mike. Linds, have you got captions for those?
Jaynie...thank you for creating this blog for us to explore and express our real, although cynical, dreams!
We love you Jayne, and hope we haven't discouraged you from writing further blogs (or at least sending them to us)
Have you wiped up your floor today, Shan?

jayniemoon said...

Mike, your company could be Heynmark and you could open up cheesy stores all over the world. Linds could invent captions and use her famous author relative (mr.votaire-ini) to further your success.

Linds said...


The Hedgehog on the Flamingo would say:
"Hey,if your head ever gets stuck underground, don't worry, I'll dig it out".

And the Ferret says to the Manatee:
"Don't go in the deep end OK Dad?"

~Lindsey W. Voltairlini (you idiots)

Michael Scott Heyn said...

In my rough scetch, the manatee is breaching and the ferret is riding it like in a rodeo. Yippee Ki YI...

Lisa said...

26 comments! That has to be some kind of a record! Haaaaa!
Mike, I hope you got those captions down...the ones by L. Voltairlini...they are good ones. Oh my gosh, I laughed outloud at "Voltairlini"!
I like your idea about "Heynmark" too Jayne. I think Mike should get Shana involved and be the Mike and Shana wait...just call it the BHeyned and BHead Card Co....because of the animals on heads, you know?
The only problem with the manatee comment, L. Voltairlini, though, is that I said that the manatee and the ferret were already underwater (past the deepend, really). Of course, Mike's rough draft takes it on a completely different course, with the "breaching manatee". Mike, what the hell is that anyway?

Michael Scott Heyn said...

What is it you ask? Why it's nothing short of spectacular...

Shana said...

Hey, are any of you related to Voltaire?

Michael Scott Heyn said...

I once drove a Voltare...

Linds said...

Well Lis, my Lortab has worn off so I'm not clever anymore....

Linds said...

You drove a Voltare, Mike? You are such a BRAT. heh heh

Lisa said...

I've been to Saltaire in a "V". That's sort of like Valtaire.

Linds, don't worry about any more captions. I think I've created a monster anyway. It's pretty hard to be clever about manatees anyway. I'm sorry about your Lortab. Love you, Lis

Paige, general manager of Heynmark said...

Can I just tell you all that this is the funniest thing I have read in a long time,and I couldn't resist joining in so please continue after you take your lortab linds.

I have something to share...

I am related to voltaire, as well as madeleine l'engle, harper lee, susan cooper,and a few others.

Did I mention Leonardo Da vinci? Well, him to.

I have to wet paper towel the floor now.

shana said...

I saw a hypnotist named Vandermere once.

Lisa said...

I'm not related to Leonardo DeVinci, Paige, but I wish I were related to Leonardo DeCaprio!!!!If I were 25, I'd probably be his girlfriend. Or Johnny Depp's wife. He he

Shana said...

Actually, it was Vandermede.

Shana said...

I'd be related to Donatello, Michaelangelo and Leonardo. I'd be a turtle.

Linds said...

Are you guys talking about Lord Voldemort? From Harry Potter?

paige marie said...

I'm related to him as well.

LISA said...

Actually, Shana is talking about a "famous" hypnotist, Vandermede who came to Provo High for lots of years and once hypnotised Danny Nuttall...Scott's friend! (Also my friend).

Linds said...

One time Wilmer Valderrama hypnotized Brian Voltolini.

Grandma Vawn said...

Grandma knows a "V" name that none of you know. Vandenburg, the mother or all mothers' no that's an overstatement. But, it is appropriate at this time since BYU just beat Oregon,...That's the name of Coach Mendenhall's mother...Lenore Vandenburg, but she doesn't know a damb thing about Voltaire.
Stop saying Voltaire in there!Love, Grandma Vawn and Grandpa Vern

Lisa said...

I'm really impressed about Brian being hypnotized by Wilmer! But, can Brian remember it? :) Also, whenever Brian sees Wilmer, does he fall into a deep sleep?
Grandma and Grandpa V and V, don't you have a V's V or is it V&V'sV now? Viola, Jayne!

Mike, can you draw Rosie O'Donnell on top of Donald Trump's head?

Katie D said...


Why didn't I know about the family comment fest. I am feeling so left out. Here I am sitting here with my big dreams in life and no one to share them with. I have always wanted to make stained glass stars and sell them over the internet. I just need a brilliant buisness man to take up this endeavor. Too bad no one has ever shown interest in my dreams. Perhaps if Heynmark takes off, I could just sell them there.

Thanks for listening to my dreams. Now I will be off to vacuum my kitchen.-you know that works too. So what if it doesn't suck up the spilled juice and hardened cheese stuck to the floor!

Fourth said...

you know i learned something last night during the BYU game. G-ma had a sweetheart that took her on long drives on the railroad tracks. his name was Cleave, and there is a v in there so i sure hope you enjoyed the youngest clarks entry.

paige said...

what kind of a name is cleave? just kidding...but only kind of

Linds said...

I find that disturbing on so many levels.....Cleave.....or Gleave.....

Sheryl said...

Jayne, well, I literally have this least one fit-ful sleeping night per week. I dream that I own and live in this very nice house. Then I open a door in the house and there's another part of the house that I didn't know existed. It is full of cool stuff and I think to myself..."wow this stuff is cool and it's mine." The rest of my dream is that I have this new found treasure and what I'm going to do with it. So my analysis of this dream is that although I have a pretty great life, nothing (seriously) nothing to complain about, I still have other treasures and experiences that are mine to discover.

My other dream is that none of your friends or Jed's family knows that I am related to the group who so recklessly took your wonderful blog and turned it into nonsense.

Now, if you'll excuse me, my house-boy, Valentino and I need to do the laundry.

Lis said...

Sheryl has a "houseboy"? Named Valentino? Now, you really are dreaming! Does he VACUUM?'

That made me laugh, Sher....a "houseboy named Valentino"! Ha!